1. Everything Anne. What a year of change for my wee girl. We started off the year with a 4 month old and are ending with a 16 month old. That's a big change from a small baby, barely interacting to a busy, talkative toddler. She cut teeth, learned to eat solid foods, stopped breastfeeding so much (we're down to just one feeding a day, at bedtime....boo hoo!), learned to crawl, learned to sit-up, learned to walk, learned to run, learned to talk, learned to swim. She is simply a blessing and a joy to us but where has the time gone?
2. The loss of another baby. It's been just a few weeks but I think it's safe to say that this may be the item I remember most from this year. I do trust God. I have to. I have nothing else right now. I've heard before that when you lose a child, whether it's prior to birth or afterwards, that your child waits for you in heaven and that your family will be redeemed. I know that's not in the Bible but it feels like something God would do. I don't understand. It feels sometimes like this type of loss creates a sense of "otherness". I was unprepared for how devastating miscarriage could be with our first two years ago. Now that we're walking this road again, I am more prepared. But still, since it's our second miscarriage, I have a lot of unanswered questions - most of them beginning with "why?". Unless someone has experienced it, they can't understand. We feel so separate as we mourn. No one else really knew this baby but me because I was carrying her. We had names chosen. We were so excited for Anne to have a sibling. It felt...so perfect. And then it was over.
3. Buying our condo. We love our neighbourhood and it's worth being in a smaller apartment. Being homeowners again has been nice as well. The whole experience was great. I hate moving (we've moved 3 times in as many years, which doesn't count the 5-6 moves prior to that - too much for our short marriage!) so i've sworn Brian to keeping me here for at least 3 years. We love our home.
4. I don't consider going back to work a highlight, but I have to say that I like my company, my boss and my job quite a bit. This is a great place to work with exceptional values. They are incredibly family friendly and I am allowed a lot of lassitude in my daily work. I am even being allowed to go to a 4-day work week in January so that I can be home with Anne more. If one has to work (which this one does), I couldn't ask for anything better.
5. Falling back in love with poetry. I've spent a lot of years writing poetry and reading it, but for the past few years, I've almost exclusively read literature. I even added some non-fiction stuff to the mix - theology, church matters, spiritual living etc. But I fell back in love with poetry again this year after going to a poetry reading by Luci Shaw. I began to collect all of her works and then began redisovering old favourites and finding new voices. It's been lovely and beautiful and restorative.
6. Becoming more involved at our church. We envisioned ourselves being at a church that looks a lot like what we want to plant. But after 8 months of looking for a church, we came to the conclusion that it didn't exist. So then we smartened up and asked God "Which church?" And so here we are. I heard the voice of God say "Be diligent and wait." Great. I love that answer.
We love our pastors. They are very humble and kind. Our pastor's wife especially is such an inspiration to me. She is a pastor alongside her husband but in her gifts. She strikes me as one of the few people I've ever met that isn't trying to be nice or trying to love people - she really is loving and kind and respectful and friendly. So it's a privilege to serve their vision and learn from them in this small way.7. Learning to define our vision for church-planting a bit more. We aren't sure when we're going to starting a church, we just know that we will - sooner or later (10 months? 10 years? Who knows.). We don't know if we'll be in full-time ministry somewhere else for a few more years, learning and studying and being mentored or just work and volunteer while we wait or if we'll just launch out in the fall. But we do know a bit more about what we want to be and what we don't. Things like: We see a church in the community. Rather than driving 20-30 minutes to church, we see ourselves living in the community where we minister. Our kids going to school (public) with their kids. Shopping at the same grocery stores. Hanging out at the park instead of the backyard. Coaching football (Brian) and doing field trips with the school. We see ourselves being a part of a community and our church being a cornerstone of that community. We see God being worshipped every day in the lives of people. We see a community of people that make space for God in their worlds. We see teaching that sees people as intelligent and wise, deeply spiritual and craving God. Rather than "dumbing-down" or seeking to be "relevant", we believe that the Gospel is in itself relevant and life changing. We see a place for the artists - the poets, the actors, the singers, the songwriters, the painters, the photographers, the writers - to worship God with their gifts and be welcomed. We see an inclusive leadership structure. We have never subscribed to the idea that "they are dumb, smelly sheep" and we are the wise, all-powerful Shepherd (last time we checked, Jesus was the Shepherd). We have never believed that we, as leaders, somehow have the market cornered on hearing from God. We see a truthful, accountable and transparent leadership that values the community of faith as ministers of the Gospel in their worlds. We see a community that values who you are rather than how you behave. We see a community more concerned with your transformation than your "right behaviour". We see our church making space for God in each of our individual lives and in our lives as a community of faith.
8. The loss of my Granny and the rediscovery of family. In particular, spending time at Easter with Nellie just three weeks before she died was a beautiful experience for us all. We've always been close and I loved her fiercely, for all her faults. And of course, we spent lots of time in Saskatchewan this year as a result. I love my family. Even though there is some tension and anger on some sides and the dynamics are occasionally filled with bitterness, I rediscovered in particular, just how much I like my cousins. (I continue to pray for reconciliation for those relationships around us but neither am I wasting in despair over it. It is what it is.) Meanwhile, through the miracle of Facebook, I've become reacquainted with cousins on both sides of the family and realised how much I both love and like them. Anyway, I like being with my extended family. It makes me feel part of a larger story. It makes me feel like there is a huge safety net for us of people that know who we really are and love us. It makes me feel more connected to, not only my past, but to the past of my entire family, the history we have together. It's sad and messy and bitter and lovely and beloved. God has done great things for us all.
9. Learning the unforced rhythms of grace. In short, to slow down and enjoy life in the journey a bit more. I I think I'm learning to switch off my overachieving freak tendencies and walk a bit more slowly, holding my daughter's hand. Looking at things I haven't seen in years. Seeing beauty and newness through her eyes. Learning to enjoy the moment. See God in the process and the journey rather than just the destination. I thought I had learned this lesson years ago when we first entered pastoring. But I'm learning it again. And I'm sure I'll learn it again later.
10. Getting my nose pierced.
I'd wanted a nose ring for about 4-5 years but just couldn't screw up the courage. I wasn't afraid of the pain at all (I have a tattoo already) but of the response. I was worried about what people would say and about what people would think. Finally, I just did it. And I love it. Other highlights:
- Celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary together.
- Getting contact lenses. It sounds like it's not a big deal but for me, it was. I've worn glasses since I was 11 (nearly 17 years!). Over the past 5 years or so, i started to hide behind them. I had put on some weight and so I felt homely. It was easy to see my glasses as a mask of sorts. So when I put on contact lenses, I felt positively naked. I had to learn to just be myself...out there...for all the world to see. Suddenly not being the "red head with the glasses" meant I had to just be me. Odd, I know.
- The passing of Jake the Dog. My sister had to put her 16-year-old miniature schnauzer to sleep in January. It was a sad time.
- But...in July we welcomed their new little puppy, Heidi, to the family. Anne in particular simply loves Heidi. She learned to say "Heidi" and "Puppy" pretty darn quick. They cavort together and seem to be the best of friends. It's nice that they got a dog to take the pressure off of us. We are not dog people at all and so this will hopefully fill the "dog-space" that evidently my child has been born with. (Why anyone with children wants another thing that eats, poops and destroys things is positively beyond me...).
- Many lazy days of maternity leave. I enjoyed my year off so much. We spent days and days outside, particularly in the summer months. Just laying around in my bathing suits, going to the lake, eating fruit from stands on the side of the road - it was simply magical. I was made for "stay-at-home-mummy" life. I can't wait to do it again for a year.
- The discovery that I am not alone in my issues with shorts. I wrote a post about my shorts and it was seriously the entry that received the most hits and comments. Go figure.
- Becoming a lot more passionate about some political issues such as healthcare, war etc. We've always been a really engaged family, politically, but we have become rather passionate about some items in particular lately. Brian has astounded more than a few Americans with his diatribes about the importance of social medicine and the need for a consistent pro-life ethic.
- 2 trips to Omaha this year. We had a lovely reunion with a bunch of friends of university at Ryan's wedding. We celebrated first birthdays. We had Christmas. Great to see Brian's family and our friends.
- Lots of good books.
Looking forward to 2008 though.
