In which we are a family of four

Thank you so much to everyone for all of messages and emails and support! We have felt so loved and supported these past few days and I'm sure that that is part of why we are feeling so good. I thought it was time for an update and (would you believe it?) everyone in the house is sleeping but me right now. Joseph is snoring away, Anne is napping and Brian is even down for the count. So a whole 30 minutes (I hope!) to share some pictures and fun....

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I'm so glad that everyone loves his name! We love it too.  As you know, the boy names had us stumped. We actually were still debating after he arrived. We named him about 6 hours after his birth. And all of a sudden, it just "fit". I couldn't imagine him as anything other than Joseph now.  Why was that so hard??? I am calling him Joseph but almost everyone else, including Brian, just calls him Joe which is totally fine. Anne calls him either "Baby" or "Joe Baby".

Joseph is a family name on my side and Arthur is a family name on Brian's side. Arthur was his Grandpa Bessey's name - this is the grandpa that Brian worshipped and had a very special relationship with until his death when Brian was 14. Plus it's also his Dad's middle name as well.

Joseph means "supported by Jehovah" and "asset". We love the characters of Joseph in the Bible as they were strong men of integrity. Plus we like "boy names" - as Adam says, you can totally picture a "Joe Bessey" in the Hockey Hall of Fame. LOL

Arthur means "bold and distinguished leader".

A lot to live up to but I don't have any doubts - he's got so many great male role models in his life.

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He's a very chilled out baby so far. As long as he's fed, he's just hanging out, watching the action or sleeping.

He's very different than Anne in looks. They have the same lips but that's about it from what we can tell. His skin is quite darker, almost like Brian's olive tone (can't really tell from the pics). His eyes are super dark and I don't think they'll stay blue but will likely be hazel like Brian's. Basically, just like Anne has my colouring (I was a white baby too with blonde hair and blue eyes), Joseph looks like he has Brian's colouring. He has a different shaped head (more like mine). So it looks like they might be opposites. You can tell they're siblings as there are enough similarities but really, he's his own man at this point.

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Breastfeeding is going fabulously so far. He's a hungry little guy and my milk came in after just two days. He's nursing like crazy right now but as a result, is very happy and content and a good sleeper.

Last night, he marathon nursed for about 4 hours but then he konked out and slept for three hours. I am an absolute milk machine these days. No soreness, no issues.

Anne is quite infatuated with how Baby eats. Anytime he makes a peep, she hollers "BABY EAT!" She lifts her top and shows people her little body and says "This baby EAT!" and once even tried to clamour up for her share. I figure I'm raising a third generation lactivist already! LOL

This is what affectionately refer to as "Milk Face." ROFL After a feed, they're like little sacks of potatoes, totally loose and relaxed and sleepy.

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Physically, I feel pretty good. I am sore at the sight of stitches but honestly couldn't feel better otherwise. This was such an easy labour and delivery compared to Anne - no achiness or soreness anywhere else.

I had a big hormonal day yesterday when my milk came in. I actually stood in the Safeway and cried over the fact that I couldn't find something. I also cried off and on all day long, culminating in a gigantic howl at bedtime over how overwhelmed I felt. After which, I went to bed and woke up feeling much better. LOL

Gotta love hormones.

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We took Joseph for his first outing two days ago. We went out for lunch to the Tim Horton's, of course. He just snored in the sling the whole time. I also went for a walk yesterday but that was overdoing it. I need to remember to slow down a bit better.

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When we were out, we looked in the backseat at these two car seats and two babies and then at each other.

"That's one backseat full of babies," Brian commented. I didn't know at that point whether to laugh about it.

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Anne has done really, really well. I am still getting the hang of two with demands. Anne seems to be doing better today again. Every day gets a bit easier. The first couple, she seemed a bit upset with me but hasn't been anything but loving towards Joseph. She just needs her time as well and a lot of grace and consistency, I'm sure. I think my new rule with two-year-olds came from my Mum: "Never let'em see you sweat." ROFL

She just loves him so much. She wants to "helper" all the time and with everything. I've found that if I include her in everything, she's pretty stable. She helps with what she calls "Change Baby" and even helped with his bath this morning.

Yesterday, he was sleeping on the floor and she pulled out her little piano called "Tunes the Tiger". She proceeded to bang away on it to entertain Joseph and kept trying to get him to take a turn, putting the sticks in his hands. It was quite the racket but he just snored through it all and Anne finally gave up.

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We have been so blessed by my family these past few days. They have brought over meals every day and cooked them. Mum even came over with a big pot roast and made it here in the kitchen with mashed potatoes last night!!! Mandy and Adam brought over lunches and baked it. They even clean up the kitchen (much cleaner than I keep it these days...) afterwards. Brian's been doing laundry and vacuuming, keeping everything rolling. Mum has taken Annie out for errands or drives to keep her from climbing the walls. They let me cry and howl. They send me to bed to take a nap while they hold Joseph and play "doctor Anne" with Annie. In short, we are so blessed that I can hardly stand it. Love, love, love....

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Brian heads back to work tomorrow but my parents will come in for the day. Then they're going to take Annie home with them for a sleepover and a special day. So my first "home alone" day will be on Wednesday but it'll be just Joseph so to ease me in. Then on Thursday, the real show begins!

Two tinies is a lot of responsibility....but I've never felt so blessed.

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In which I give birth to my son standing up in a parkade

He's here! He's here!

Allow me to introduce you to the newest member of the clan: Joseph Arthur.

Weighing 8 lbs 10oz, 20.5 inches long. He has dark blue eyes, dark brown hair and he was born in parking stall 74 at about 7:20 AM on Thursday 25 September 2008.

Well, here's the story (I'm sure more details will come out over the days along with more pictures but wanted to get the story down now!).

I woke up with my first contraction around 3:00 AM. I waited to wake Brian up until about 3:30. After the false labour last week, I was making sure it was "real". They were about 10 minutes apart. We got up and came out to the living room to relax and hang out. After an hour, they were about 6 minutes apart. I had back labour again and so I thought that the baby was still posterior and therefore, like Anne, would take hours to arrive. (When I went to the hospital with Anne, I was every 4 minutes but only 4 cms so I figured I had a TON of time....) So then we called my mum in Abbotsford (an hour away) and my sister and her husband. We were pretty chill - too chill evidently - and told them "no rush, take a shower, come on over". I decided to lay in the tub for a while. I was certainly not enjoying my contractions or labour but really, it was so manageable that I figured I was just easing into it. After a half hour in the tub, Brian noted that I had thrown up once, was shaking and had become a bit more "inward" even telling him to "stop talking" right in the middle of a contraction. So he called my Mum and said that he thought I was in transition already. I looked at him like he had 10 heads - transition? I know transition, pal, and this ain't it. Besides, my water hadn't broken.

After I got out of the tub, the contractions went from 6-7 minutes to 3 minutes. That's when I realised that this wasn't a joke and we weren't taking our time. We called my sister again to hurry UP and get over here to keep an eye on Anne. We abandoned our plan to go to Burnaby Gen and instead decided to try to make it to Royal Columbian (which is just a few blocks away but my doctor was at Burnaby). Anne woke up right at the peak of my labour and she was totally relaxed. I am not a screamer but I certainly was moaning away but she was just like "Whatever, I want some Cheerios, call me when it's over." Brian set her up with a video and some breakfast and I laboured for a bit in the bedroom. I even posted a note on Facebook saying we had to run to the hospital.

About 7 AM, I went into the washroom and bent over. My water absolutely exploded with a pop and a huge gush. Then I felt the baby's head drop and I looked at Brian and said "We aren't going to make it!" My sister finally arrived (Adam stopped for Starbucks!!!) and ordered us out the door to Royal Columbian while she ran to her car and to call my Mum who was lost and stuck in traffic to change plans. With Anne, my water broke and it was still 5 hours until she came so Brian still thought we had time. I had four contractions on our way down the hall and in the elevator. We emerged from the elevator on our parkade (P2, if you're interested) and I had a massive contraction and the baby almost fell out. Brian half-carried, half-dragged me to the car, now desperate for help. He leaned me up against a pole and ran to the the truck to pull it over.

I had another two contractions and was actively working to NOT push the baby out but it was coming! The morning rush was on and people were coming into the parkade like crazy while I clung to this pole and hollered that I was NOT MOVING BECAUSE THIS BABY WAS GOING TO FALL OUT! A lady ran over and asked Brian if he needed help to which he replied "DESPERATELY!" and she said "Well, I'm a nurse."

Oh, thank you JESUS!

A bunch of other people were wanting to help (and have now seen my bare ass push out a baby in stall 74!). They called 911 and the fire department. Two more went up to our condo to tell whoever was left to bring towels down. Adam was there with Anne so he called my sister who was already AT the hospital and said "Change of plans! She's in the parkade and I think she's had the baby!" My sister called my Mum and they raced back to our place, not knowing if I was okay.

Kelly, our guardian angel, pulled my panties off (thankfully, I was wearing a skirt) and checked and then looked at Brian and said "Um, you aren't going to make it. I'll try to catch if you hold her up."

We leaned against the truck in the back door. I had a hand on the doorjamb and the other on the door, one foot up on the running boards. Brian crawled into the back seat and held me up under my arms. I gave one push and yell and the baby's head came out. He started crying right away. One more push and his shoulders were out. Kelly (the nurse) held his head and I reached down, grabbed his body under his arms (he was anterior by the way! Thanks for the prayers...) and pulled him up to my chest. Brian pulled me up onto the seat of the truck and off my feet and we all just broke down. I couldn't stop laughing, Brian couldn't stop crying and Kelly was trying to tell me to wait to nurse him (without thinking, I had started to pull my top off to try to get him to latch on!) until the paramedics got there. He was enormous, healthy, shrieking, bright pink and quite obviously our BOY! Kelly was rooting around the truck for a blanket or something to keep him warm but all we could find were Brian's paint cloths, so we wrapped him up in that.

We figure it was about 7:15 or 7:20 when he arrived, give or take a few minutes. Adam came down with Anne and some towels. We wrapped him up, Anne crawled in to the front seat and we just waited for the brigade to arrive.

The paramedics arrived about 5 minutes later. I felt great by that time if you can believe it. I was so high and excited, full of adrenalin. I felt FABULOUS! They were great, even letting Brian cut the cord and telling him out to get all of the blood out of the seats (hydrogen peroxide, if you're ever in a fix). My sister and mum finally arrived and came rushing in. They were pretty quickly reassured by my chirping from the gurney with the baby wrapped up that I was GREAT and IT'S A BOY. The paramedics thought it was hilarious and the firemen were pretty excited about the baby.

They rushed me and the baby to the hospital. I did tear a bit since he arrived so big and so fast so got some stitches. Brian arrived shortly after. We were put into a quiet wing in a private room and pretty much left alone for the day. Everyone we called was like "WHAT? You delivered in the parking lot???" The nurses kept coming in, disbelieving. He was so strong and healthy.

And to be honest, I felt great. It was the best experience! Even with the dirty concrete floor and the crowd, it was great. So much easier than my labour with Anne, even if it was faster. Let's just say my new theory on childbirth is "Make Gravity Work for You." The labour pains were not unmanageable at all; if anything, that's what made it happen - I was convinced it was going to "get so much worse" that when it didn't, I didn't realise this was as bad as it got so didn't move quick enough. And what's more - I wasn't afraid. It felt so normal and natural that I didn't feel panicked or freaked out. Brian was so calm throughout, that I just didn't panic. He told me later he was almost losing his mind in the parkade but he managed to keep it together because I sure didn't know that. Just no fear and I think that helped.

So we stayed at the hospital overnight and now we're home again. He's big and healthy, great nurser already.

And here's Joseph, back at the scene of his birth:

Thanks to everyone for your prayers! I'll post more and return your (hundreds of!) messages/emails soon. More pictures to come as well. Just wanted to get this up so you can stop wondering and worrying.

In which I am having Tumble Bugs flashbacks

I am attempting to balance my (enormous) self on a gigantic, green ball.

It's not going so well.

I have pitched off this ball no less than four times in my attempt to keep it straight and keep my pelvis rocking.

Oh, the jokes....

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A friend told me to try sitting on the ball and leaning forward, both before labour and during (you know...assuming that the baby is actually planning on coming some point in this next decade) in an effort to turn the baby the right way. So here I balance. Or not.

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You know, when I was four, I was kicked out of Tumble Bugs because I wasn't flexible enough. The local gym had gymnastics for preschoolers called Tumble Bugs. My mum signed me up. After a few weeks, when the poor people at the gym realised that, yes, in fact, there are four-year-olds that are unable to touch their toes or balance or even launch happily into the foam pit, they nicely informed my mother that maybe I could try something else.

Like reading.

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Today is my actual official due date. The one the doctor picked based on measurements etc. I picked Sept. 17 because of my dates. So either I am 6 days overdue or now officially about to be overdue. Either way, not much is happening from what I can tell.

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Is labour caused by falling off of gigantic, green balance balls?

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Anne had a rough morning. She was weepy and petulant and bossy. I was like "WHO ARE YOU!?! It's MY TIME to be petulant and weepy and bossy! Not yours!"

Just kidding.

But seriously.

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In which I have some perspective

I have been following this blog, My Charming Kids, for a woman (3 kids under 3 and one more on the way! *faint*) in the midwest for a while now. I really like this girl (she reminds me a lot of me! Maybe that's why I find her so agreeable..?). She is a great writer, very opinionated, creative, a family photographer, about 31 weeks pregnant and has been carrying a gravely ill small boy. Her faith and strength has blessed me immensely as I've prayed for her. Lately, things have been "looking up" as her small boy's heart seemed to be lining up. But this morning, they received some bad news and are clinging to Jesus once again as they wait for their miracle.

If you have a chance, pop over and let her know you're praying for her and her son.

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I had my 40-week doctors appt scheduled for this morning. But she was called out to deliver other babies and so it was cancelled/moved to late this afternoon.

And I, enormous as I am, will refuse all induction methods.

I must be nuts.

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I haven't done much with the "natural methods". The castor oil thing freaks me out! I am amenable to drinking tea, going for a walk and having lots of hot-ten-months-pregnant-sex (HAH!) but that's about as far as I'll go. Some of the crazier stuff is too crazy for me. I don't want to monkey around with stuff too much.

The baby is healthy and strong and so am I. I figure I can wait. What's the big rush?

Maybe if I'm really good about waiting, I'll show up at the appt and Baby will be crowning already!?

Riiiiiiiight.

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Anne and I are having a great time these past few days. She's learned the Hokey Pokey and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. She keeps asking "'Gain hokey, Mummy? 'Gain hokey?" (Translation: Can we do the hokey pokey again, Mummy?)

She has also fallen in love with getting her hair curled. She saw me do it once this month (I usually wear my hair in its natural wavy state but occasionally (Rarely if ever...) I straighten it and curl the ends.) and ever since has wanted the "Curler". She gets so excited and sits, still as a statue, while I curl her little ends. She doesn't' have much to curl since I keep her hair short in a bob but she still loves it.

Not quite as much as brushing her teeth but she loves it.

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She also informed me this morning that "Annie needs a bra."

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Anne's gotten to be a bit of a snuggle bug this week. This morning, she woke up at 4.30 (must to my surprise - she sleeps 12 hours straight every night). She had accidentally tossed her Blankie on the floor and was standing up in bed in despair of ever having it back. But when she saw me, she said "Mummy, I want to go to Mummy bed." So I picked her up and took her back to bed with us. She snuggled up between us and promptly fell back asleep. I carried her back to her bed at 6:30 because Bri was getting up for the day. And then she slept until 7:45 - an hour past when she usually wakes up!

Why don't they tell you when they're going to sleep in? Because then I could sleep in.

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I had four good strong contractions this morning. And nothing since.

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Thanks for all of the suggestions on boy names. I think we're finally good to go (maybe? who knows? we change our minds like crazy over these silly names!). We've narrowed down to about 3-5 names and I figure that's good enough. Right?

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In which even my doctor asked me how I'm still walking

Baby is so far descended into my pelvis that my doctor seriously looked up to the heavens in disbelief, mouth hanging wide open and said "HOW ARE YOU STILL WALKING AROUND?!?"

I finally had my appointment today. She was off delivering 3 babies today but was insistent that I come in for my appointment anyway. So we were "on call" for the doctor all day, rushing over at 4 when she finally was back in the office.

Here's the rundown:

• Blood pressure is on the high side for me but in the normal range so she's not worried about it. I'm much less puffy and swollen than a week ago and so she's content to let me be.
  
• Baby heartbeat remains strong.
  
• Baby is so far into my pelvis that it's shoulder is on my pelvic bone and it's face is planted right in my bladder. Good times.
  
• We're posterior again. Still lots of time for Baby to turn the right way but would you please pray for that? That's what made my delivery of Anne more difficult.
  
• I've gone from 2.5cms to 3.5cms and I've almost completely effaced. I believe she said "Wow, how are you not in labour yet?!"

So we're just waiting. She did offer to strip my membranes or to put that gel stuff on but I refused (!). I'm comfortable waiting. I don't see it being much longer but really, there isn't any reason to hurry Baby along. He/she will come when they are good and ready.

Thanks for the well-wishes and prayers!

In which I'm cool .... most of the time

I am having the best day.

Yes, I'm E.NOR.MOUS-er by the minute.

Yes, I am four days on the other side of my false labour alarm and four days overdue (according to some calculations...according to others, I am three days til due date).

Yes, I am drinking my body weight in RRL tea right now.

Yes, I am having sex with my husband despite the Cirque de Soleil mechanics of it.

Yes, I am trying everything that everyone has recommended (within reason - come on, Shauna...JOGGING???).

And I am still pregnant. Hugely so.

But here's the thing. I think that this has been quite good for me. I have actually had the best week because I've realised afresh that this is it. Baby is almost here so I'm enjoying the last few days of the pregnancy immensely and especially enjoying my time with Annie. The "false alarm" refocused me again and made sure that I was aware of the moment, fully present here. I've had lots of time with my sister and my mother as we are all kind of "on hold" waiting for baby. We've bopped around, bought baby stuff, eaten lunch at Wendy's and generally settled that we will never be able to choose a boy name.

And I'm sleeping better this week than I have for the past two months. So there's that too. Never underestimate sleep.

Brian is working overtime today. He's loving his new job. He's rather modest but by reading between the lines (and eavesdropping on his cell phone conversations) I can gather that they absolutely adore him, think he's an incredibly hard worker and are so glad that he's trustworthy. They have also stopped giving him the "grunt work" and instead are giving him the finish and detail carpentry work that he loves. So to me that means that they see his skill as well. He just loves working with his hands and so to be getting time-and-a-half today is a real blessing. Plus, he's enjoying working with guys again, building relationships and just plain working again. His job site today is actually right across the street from us so I've even had access to the vehicle the past few days which makes a WORLD of difference for me. I hate feeling housebound so it's like having my freedom back again.

We woke up slow today though. I made pancakes for everyone. Then Anne went with Brian to the hardware store and lumber yard. She has dubbed herself "Helper Daddy" and adores going to "work" with Dad. She loves the lumber yard and loves to go along on his errands. So he took her with him this morning.

Which meant I had a whole hour and a half to myself. I drank more tea. (Blech - it tastes awful. Earl Grey anytime!) I had a lazy bath. I even (wait for it) SHAVED MY LEGS *gasp*. Then I read two chapters in my book before they came home. I put on MAKE-UP and got into my jeans instead of my yoga pants. Basically, I felt incredibly like a human being again.

After that, despite Anne's pleas to "helper Daddy", Brian went back to the site and I took Anne out for an errand. I picked up my nursing bras and a new nursing top. Of course, I did have, not one, not two, not three but FOUR women inform me that I "looked ready to pop" and that they sincerely hoped I'd "make it home in time". What nice ladies.  Then we came home for lunch. Now Anne is snoring in her bed and I am about to go do the same. Tonight, I'm headed to my sister's place for supper which will be nice.

So we're just waiting but enjoying the wait.

Most of the time.

Then there are the other times when I holler

"GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!" and

"I DON'T CARE IF IT LEAVES ME SIDEWAYS!" and

"DONE! I'M DONE!".

But really. Most of the time I'm pretty cool.

In which I am among the non-stressed

I had my Non-Stress Test today and we both passed with flying colours!

• Blood pressure? Totally normal. Even for me.
  
• Blood work? Totally normal.
  
• Weight? Perfect.
  
• Fetal heartbeat? Between 130-160 for more than a half hour. Strong and steady.
  
• Fetal movements? More than 20 in 40 minutes.
  
• Contractions? Occasional but not much. Still considered "pre-labour".

So there we have it! No inducements or medical intervention necessary. Thank God!

We're back to just waiting now. I am still feeling good about it all. A bit tired and of course E.NOR.MOUS still but I can do this.

I was joking around that this is yet another way that our babies remind us that we're not the ones in charge anymore!

I did want to ask if any one has any thoughts about the Raspberry Leaf Tea thing? Someone told me it's a natural way to help your contractions go a bit smoother (and sooner!). Anyone know about that?

And a new picture of me, my husband and my e.nor.mous baby belly. Anne was at our feet, hollering that she had to pee in this picture.

In which I reveal two of the worst words in the English language

FALSE LABOUR
'Nuff said.

Ctxns stopped altogether last night around 11. The good news is that I had a great night's sleep as a result.
In all honesty, I'm totally okay with it. No hormones, no meltdowns, no "GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!" I'm content to wait until Baby is ready. After all, it's not really "false" labour as much as it is doing some of the work ahead of time. I'm sure it helped move things along a bit more.
I do have a doctor's appt this afternoon to check that blood pressure issue thing. If it's too elevated, they may want to talk induction but I"m plenty against any medical/drug interventions so we'll have to wait and see (I will only do it if there is a major medical reason). I'll let you know how that appt goes.
So....as you were.

In which we are just....waiting now

Thanks for the excitement and prayers! I'll continue to post updates because I know that everyone is eager to hear and, since we don't have a phone, this will have to suffice!

I'm posting updates at Facebook, here (on the side bar called "Pulse") and at Twitter (which you can, if techologically saavy unlike myself, use to receive the updates even over your cell phone!) if you're ever wondering.

Brian skipped class last night at my request. It wasn't that I felt like "I could go into heavy labour at any moment!" but more just that I didn't want to be alone.  We went to the mall so that I could walk and walk. Ctxns stayed at about every 30 minutes or so. We puttered around in the evening. I even packed a bag for the hospital FINALLY. I had a bath. We got to enjoy some time in bed, just snuggling and talking.

Last night I had another very restless night with ctxns every 30 minutes. They're not bad at all. So I was up every hour or so but did manage to relax and sleep. Now Anne and I are up for the day. I chased Brian out the door to go to work. I'd rather he have his time off when the baby is here. So Anne and I will go for a walk this morning again.

I told Brian it's almost better to be like most women that don't know that they're in this stage of labour for two days! The waiting is hard!

So we're just still in "wait and see". Everything is moving forward, steadily but slowly.

I wonder if anyone else has done The Hokey Pokey with their two year old at 10 months pregnant and in labour? Because, let me assure you, THAT was a sight.

In which the first stage of labour has started!

Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

I got in to see my doctor this morning and we're in first stage, baby! I've been thinking I was in pre-labour for the past weekend as I've been having all the symptoms I did with Anne. The baby also dropped quite significantly again and I could feel the head (TMI?) already in the pelvis.  The final straw was that yesterday I woke up and my entire face was puffy and swollen. This happened the day before I went into labour with Anne. So between the achiness, the light sleep, the cramping and now this...well, I would have been very surprised if the doctor had told me that we were still waiting! 

So good news is that I'm about 60-70% effaced already and 2.5 cms dilated. "Real" labour could/should start any moment. I'd love to get going today. I'm sooooooooo ready.

One thing I'd like to ask you to pray about is my blood pressure. I've usually got very low blood pressure and a very slow pulse (one doctor asked me if I ran marathons....I laughed in her face). These past two weeks, it's crept up slowly but steadily. It's not 'high' compared to most everyone else but for me, it's a big jump. The doctor offered to break my water today so that we can head off the hypertension at the pass. (I refused.) She did say that if I hadn't had the baby by Friday, then I'll do a non-stress test and then, if my blood pressure hasn't either leveled off or dropped, then she'd like to talk more about that possibility. So let's pray that my blood pressure goes down AND that the baby comes soon!

More good news is that the baby is in the right position and already fully engaged in the pelvis. (I could have told her that - I feel like if I SNEEZE the baby will come flying out!)  Heartbeat remains strong and steady but had dropped down to the high 130s this time.

My mum spent the night last night and took me to the doctor today. (She even did a pedicure on my poor swollen mitten-looking feet! Am I spoiled OR WHAT?) She got to hear the heartbeat which was fun. She hadn't been to any of my doctor appointments so it was great to have her there for this one. She didn't want to leave today, in case everything started but I chased her out and told her to get all of her work done so that I could have her, guilt-free, later. Everyone is on high alert. My dad is out of the country (South Africa) right now so unfortunately won't be here for the first few days. I'm quite sad about it. And of course, Brian's family is all on tenterhooks as well since we don't have a phone right now!

So watch this space for updates!

Oooops...I've got to go pack my hospital bag! I knew there was something I was missing!

Is now a good time for me to narrow down the boy names???? We're still stumped on those boy names!

In which dreams may come

I have had some very vivid dreams this past week. You know how it is wiht pregnancy - everything is SO REAL and...weird.

Anyway, first I dreamed for three nights in a row that I went into labour and had the baby in a matter of minutes in our bed. Brian caught the baby after less than 3 pushes and we were both looking at each other like, Okay the baby's here.... now what?

And last night, I had a dream that I WAS IN MY SKINNY JEANS! Yes, my skinny jeans. With a waist and EVERYTHING.

I am trying to decide which one was more far-fetched.

In which politics are baaaaaaaack...

Haven't I been good?

Not a single political post for 8 WHOLE DAYS.

*collapses with effort*

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So here's something fun for you to watch (just 5 minutes) and it will make you howl (or cry).

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The shockingly liberal legacy of George W. Bush

The partisan portraits will not tell the whole story, of course, because the narrative is not tidy. Bush's legacy is more than the protracted war in Iraq. In some areas it is the result of hardline conservative ideology — but in others it is surprisingly liberal. Bush is the tax-cutting conservative who nonetheless grew the federal government in size and power. He is the former governor who championed states' rights while centralizing more power in Washington. He is the proponent of race-neutral policies who did more than any president before him to measure, track, and invest in the achievement of black and Latino children. He is the advocate of human dignity who authorized interrogation techniques that amount to torture. The passionate defender of liberty who circumvented laws to spy on his own citizens. The lover of freedom who toppled one dictator while propping up others. The progenitor of wars that killed thousands on one continent, and the humanitarian who spent unprecedented sums to save millions from disease on another.

Untangling and judging the Bush presidency with its complexities and inner contradictions will engage historians and politicians for decades. But there is no doubt that Bush achieved what Vice-President Dick Cheney once said he wanted: a presidency that was "consequential."

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I think I know why I'm a bit miffed by Sarah Palin now.

It's because I really wanted to like her.

As a woman, I am so incredibly excited to have the opportunity to have a woman in a position of such power. This glass-ceiling is in dire need of being shattered. So as a woman, I really, really, really want ot like and support her, even if I don't agree with all of her policies.

And yet I just can't.

I feel a bit let down and, to be honest, pandered to. Like "Oh, here's a girl. Let's just pick her." instead of choosing the woman that is best qualified for the role (and I know that there are qualified Republican women out there). Her behaviour, her record, the storm of her "Charlies" in her one and only interview, her defensiveness, the lies, the smug arrogance....I feel so disappointed. Of all the women that could have been picked, why her? I'd have loved to have seen a qualified Republican woman in that slot.

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And finally, something to think about:

"The abortion issue cannot be ignored," he [Tony Campolo] says.  "Here's where you can see where both parties have something to contribute.  The Republicans want to overthrow Roe v. Wade, and the pro-life people would cheer that, and they should.  The other side of the story is this: 70% of the abortion in this country (USA) are presently driven by economic forces.  You have an 18-year-old woman who works at Wal-Mart at minimum wage - she has no hospitalization, she has no opportunity for maternity leave, she has no access to daycare when the baby is born, she's in dire straits.  If you're going to be pro-life, you cannot only be concerned about the unborn; you have to be concerned about after they're born.   Are we going to have universal health care so she doesn't have to worry about paying her hospital bill? Are we going to raise the minimum wage, because presently that woman cannot pay for her retn, let alone take care of herself and a child? Are we going to provide daycare for her so she can continue to be employed? Are you willing to give her a maternity leave so that she doesn't have to either lose her job or have an abortion?"

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In which I am still transitioning while Anne finds her shadow

Do you remember the day that you discovered your shadow?

Anne will!

Anne and I went for a walk to the library and on the way home, I noticed her lagging behind. She was staring at her shadow and dancing or moving to see if it would move or dance with her. She was totally captivated by this new discovery - her shadow!

You know (especially those of you that have stayed home with your kids for any amount of time) that the daily-ness of parenting can be exhausting. For instance, if I never have to say "Do you have to go potty?" ever again in my life, that would be just fine with me.  That's a phrase I'm rather weary of saying already!  I had a hard transition going back to work after a year home with my girl. But now, on the other side, I'm experiencing a "transition time" for coming back home. Even though (if I could), I'd be a SAHM for good in a heartbeat, there are adjustments to being a full-time parent again.

But the trade-off is that I get to be here for all of the wonder and discovery and learning and snuggles and tears and, yes, the daily-ness. The cleaning, the cooking, the never-ending-toy-picking-up, the potty training successes and failures (which she always asks for Brian to clean up....oh, how I wish I could call him back from the job site because Anne wants him to clean up the mess!), the walks, the playground time, and so on.

It's humbling and sacred and messy to be responsible for small children, isn't it? Nothing roots out The Selfish in me faster than an entire day with my daughter.

It's also funny to me that I am SO EMOTIONAL these days that, after I took this picture of her, I burst into tears on 5th Ave. because I was "so happy to be there when she found her shadow."

In which Anne puts Baby to bed

Without any prompting from me, Anne has become "Baby Focused" lately. She has a doll baby that my mother bought her and it is the new favourite game. Every day, Anne wants to look after the Baby and so she is imitating things she sees people do with babies and what she sees us do with her. One of her favourite games is "Put Baby to Bed".

Here's the ritual....

 

Reading Baby her stories (this expression cracks me up....so much like me!)

Turning on the "sound maker".

Tucking her into bed - even sharing the beloved Blankie!

SSSSssshhhhhhhh, Mumma! Baby sleeping!

And now let's leave so Baby can sleep!

In which I am refocused

I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise.

I live and breathe God;
   if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy:

Join me in spreading the news;
   together let's get the word out.

God met me more than halfway,
   he freed me from my anxious fears.

Look at him; give him your warmest smile.
   Never hide your feelings from him.

When I was desperate, I called out,
   and God got me out of a tight spot.

God's angel sets up a circle
   of protection around us while we pray. 

Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
         how good God is.
 Blessed are you who run to him.

 

Psalm 34 (The Message)

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Depression is exhausting. I haven't felt quite that heavy of a cloud over myself for more than a year. It's paralyzing, isn't it? It feels like a thick mire, all around your ankles, weighing down your mind and heart. Even though you "know" better, at the time, any lie or suggestion of the enemy seems totally valid.

But here's the good news (or as we like to say, "I got a testi-MONY on JESUS! *waves hankie*)....God is faithful. And sometimes, when we are not strong enough to pull ourselves up, God will send people to haul you back up, pray over you, support you, make you laugh, remind you of who you really are and generally make you feel so loved and safe that the clouds part for long enough for you to get a glimpse of Jesus again.

And then...oh, my....how beautiful He is! How can my joy not return when my eyes and heart are fixed on Him?

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I reached out to a couple of trusted friends and received such wise counsel and prayers and understanding. "You, too? Me, too!" is good for the soul.

I reached out to my mum who pulled some work off my plate and listened to me sob on the phone for three days in a row.

I reached out to my husband who laid hands on me and prayed over and for me. And then did three loads of laundry and vacuumed the house. And then rubbed my back.

I reached out to my sister and her husband. And we talked, heart-to-heart about stuff that's been bugging me while her husband looked after Anne for over two hours without an eye-roll or word of complaint.

And my Dad reached out to me, getting the car and driving over to my house in the middle of the day. Just to eat soup with me, listen to me howl, give me encouragement and counsel and then he sat me on the couch and prayed the roof off this place.

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All that to say, I feel much better. I don't feel that different physically but emotionally and spiritually, it's like night and day. Even with the communication issues, the isolation, the exhaustion etc....how silly to let those things exalt themselves over God. I've spent a lot of time today in the Psalms, gaining comfort, gulping down scripture like a thirsty woman who finally found the Well of Bethlehem.

It's funny to me how I can be stable and strong and responsible and "there" for everyone else but taking the time to be gentle with myself is so hard. Somehow I can develop the expectation that I'm not allowed to have bad days or struggles or even take the time to really heal from them. Like somehow I've arrived?

Whatever.

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I need Jesus so much, every moment.

Things like this - weeks like this - remind me to turn my eyes on Jesus, to "look full on his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace."

In which we are in Week 38

My usual readers know that I suffer from a deplorable lack of opinions and rarely, if ever, express my opinions.

Be forewarned.

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Isn't it funny how women will spend more time figuring out what hairstyle to get or what TV to buy or what everyone wore to the VMAs than they will spend deciding on what type of birth experience they want to have?

Birthing and mothering has been something that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I was privileged to be raised by a mother that was very natural in her approach to parenting; living on the edge for the 70s and early 80s by doing things like natural childbirth, breastfeeding exclusively, cloth diapering etc. (And you wonder where I get my opinions from....) Every birthday, she told us our "Birth Story".  She modeled very positive attitudes about birth, mothering, breastfeeding etc. She was also a great resource to the women of our communities, often coming alongside other mothers to help them or advise them or pray with them. As a result of this, I grew up very familiar with birthing, mothering, breastfeeding etc. I didn't have a lot of fear about it and had a lot of knowledge, even though it was secondhand.

I gave birth to Anne naturally without "interventions" directly as a result of what I had learned and studied and been taught. And it was a tremendous experience. There are a few things I would do differently if I had to go back but it was more related to things like positioning than anything else. And it isn't some female machismo - it was about the whole experience and journey of birthing. It mattered to me before it even happened and now that it is about to happen again, I'm getting ready for another transformation.

I don't think that many women would deny that birthing is a transformative experience. It is more than just "having a healthy baby" - it is about the journey and the experience, the struggle and the reward.

I recently watched the documentary "The Business of Being Born." I am of the opinion that EVERY woman who has ever given birth, will give birth or knows people that will/have been giving birth to WATCH THIS MOVIE. And yes, the capitals are necessary.  It was tremendous. Fairly short (just an hour and twenty minutes) but packed with positive birth stories and very empowering. It's amazing how few people have ever seen a natural birth. Usually all we have are these horror stories or A Baby Story (don't even get me started about that awful show and its sister shows like "Bringing Home Baby") or trauma shows - no wonder women are so terrified of birth! No wonder they just do whatever the doctor tells them to do!

This movie promotes such a healthy view of birthing. It articulated a lot of my opinions about the process particularly the spiral of interventions (induction leads to lots of drugs which leads to emergency c-sections etc.) and the way that women have been convinced that they don't know how to give birth. Talk about an industry that thrives on fear, fear, fear!

(By the way, I don't mean to come across as judgemental. That's not my heart AT ALL. Everyone has different experiences. But sometimes I get so mad at "the system" and "the fear" that I can be a bit over-the-top. I'm mad FOR these women - not AT them - that have been belittled or disempowered, that have missed a great experience. That's all that this is. No judgement. Just a sisterhood thing that they got ripped off.)

I realised about halfway through this pregnancy that I am the only one of my friends here in Vancouver that has an ob-gyn. (I work with a lot of women in the same stage of life with toddlers and another one on the way or brand new. We love to talk us some babies at work!! ) They are all with midwives and more than half are home-birthers. I was surprised because my immediate experience was all hospital births. If anything, amongst my other friends, I'm the crazy one because of my commitment to natural childbirth, extended and exclusive breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing etc. So I was out-granola-ed!  LOL So three months ago, I really seriously contemplated switching to a midwife but finally just decided to stay with my doctor even though I'm very low-risk. I figured it was "too late" switch and, to be honest, just got too busy. Then this past month, it's been really bugging me.

I wish I would have gotten a midwife after all. And I REALLY wish I was giving birth at home. I have several friends that have done this. And of course, this documentary is positive about the experience. As I look forward to the birth of this new baby, I've realised that there are certain things that I didn't like about hospitals or about ob-gyn experience.

And here's the thing: our hospitals here are VERY pro-natural childbirth. (They are a lot better than most hospitals or doctors that I've heard about and personally experienced in the USA for instance. I've often said, even before I had children, that if I was in the States still, I would definitely be birthing at home and getting the heck out of the hospital system.)  My hospital encourages and provides for support for breastfeeding. They require "rooming in" and don't even have a nursery. Our public health system comes to your house one week later to check on you and the baby and will continue to come as long as you need them.  Overall, it's as good as it gets, I think.

And I'm very thankful for ob-gyns. They're surgeons for a reason. And thank God that when its needed, they are there and ready. But for the more than 90% of women that aren't high risk or likely to develop complications, it's definitely overkill. And then it results in a lot of interventions that result in a lot of stress. And an experience that transforms but for the wrong reasons.

I just would love to have a midwife and a homebirth. For instance, I like my doctor a lot. But she was hardly there for Anne's birth. And whatever she did to help Anne be born (even posterior) could have been done by a midwife. I had a nurse instead that I really didn't like. Even though I had a great relationship with my ob-gyn, I was stuck with this nurse the whole time. (Note: I love and respect nurses. It was just a personality clash with this woman.) How much better would it be to have built a relationship with a midwife, so that they know you and your husband well, and then they are there with you the whole time? I bet a midwife wouldn't have had me on my back, trying to push out a posterior, 9 lb baby.

The other thing is that I just hate hospitals. I was miserable at the hospital. I would love to do a homebirth so that I could just relax in my own home (or my mother's ). Anne could hang out with the family or head out for they days. I could just have a shower in my own washroom. I hated being woken up every 2 hours for checking, hated the food, hated the lights and the noise, hated the bed, hated being apart from Brian in our bed at night. Now I can imagine that I'll hate being away from Annie. I was so much happier when we came home and even Anne perked right now, going from a good nurser to a champion nurser and even sleeping for longer stretches. It was like we all destressed once we were home. How much better would it be to just STAY HOME?

I have a lot of other reasons for wanting this. But it's too late now. Even though I'm all fired up about it again, I should have just made the switch 3 months ago when I wanted to. Now I'm due in 2 weeks and really, could have the baby any day. Just not enough time to prep and find a midwife and get all the work done on it. So I have a plan and I'll stick with it.

Rats.

But if - and right now, that's a HUGE "IF" - I have a third, it will definitely be a homebirth and a certified midwife.

So yes. Go watch the film.

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In other updates, I had another doctor's appointment this week. Unfortunately, no rumblings of early labour. I think we're in it for another week at the very least. No prelabour signs so far.

I did test positive for Group B Strep. Not sure what that means other than that I evidently need an antibiotic right before delivery. I need to do my research on this and find out more about it. Anyone got any ideas?

I'm starting to do my "last two weeks weight gain". All the books say "Oh, you'll start to lose weight now." Whatever. I packed on 15 pounds in my last two weeks with Anne while hardly eating anything. Same thing looks to be happening again. I'm not too worried. The weight dropped very quickly with Anne and I've already informed Brian that I expect to rejoin a gym in a month or two as much for mental health reasons as for physical reasons. LOL

The baby's heartbeat continues to get higher every week. This time it was between 158 and 167. It's also growing quite a bit. They anticipate minimum of "High 8s". So a little more info for the Baby Pool guessers.... The baby is also VERY active still. It's in the right position, locked and loaded, as they say. But squirming as all get out.

I've had a few problems like the swelling and carpal tunnel etc. I'm not open to antibiotics or treatments while pregnant (I prayed for days about whether or not to take TUMS for pity's sake) so, as my doctor said, I'll just wait and in two weeks or so, I'll be cured!

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BABY CENTRE UPDATE

Can you tell if you're carrying a boy or a girl? One hint may come from the size of your baby -- boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls. Babies at week 39 weigh about 6.8 to 7 pounds / 3 to 3.2 kilograms and continue to build the fat stores that will help regulate body temperature after birth. Your little one's organ systems are fully developed and in place, but the lungs will be last to reach maturity. (Even after your baby is born, it may take a few hours before she establishes a normal breathing pattern.)

Wondering what colour your baby's eyes will be? Most Caucasian babies are born with dark blue eyes and their true eye colour -- be it brown, green or blue -- may not reveal itself for weeks or months. The colour of your baby's eyes in the first minutes after birth won't last -- exposure to light changes a baby's initial eye colour. Most African and Asian babies usually have dark grey or brown eyes at birth -- their dark eyes becoming a true brown or black after the first six months or year. Multiracial children often turn out to have the most beautiful coloured eyes.

In which someone kissed a girl and someone else didn't like it

I'm sure if you've been anywhere near a radio this summer, you've heard Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It". So what was the response of a church in Ohio?

Because isn't this the whole point of the Gospel? I dont' know about you, but that sounds exactly like something I'd expect Jesus to say.

*sigh*

In which it is one of *those* weeks - and it's only Tuesday

Our Internet has been off and on for weeks now. So that means I get 5 minutes of Internet, 20 minutes of trying to reconnect and reset it, 4 minutes of under my breath expletives, 6 minutes of repentance, 10 minutes of resolving not to care that I can't check my bank balance or email or see read about how I'm not having any prelabour signs at BabyCentre, 7 minutes of tears, then 5 minutes of frenzy trying to reconnect and reset and recheck cords and modems again and then another 5 minutes of Internet for no rhyme or reason before it all starts all over again.

Good times.

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We have Internet based phone. So that means I have no phone right now. Or when I do, it's crackly or spotty or cuts people off.

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Because I'm due within two weeks, being without a phone is not an option right now. So we got a cell phone finally.

But it doesn't work in the house. Grrrrrrrrrrreat.

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After fighting with this Internet company (TELUS SUCKS!!!!!) for more than three years, we have pulled our service and are going with a competitor. They will switch us to cable phone and Internet.

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And the soonest they could come out to do it? THREE WEEKS.

I love customer service.

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And I have no vehicle because Brian is working again and it doubles as a work-truck right now. Normally that isn't a big deal for me at all. But right now, I can't walk down the hall and so am feeling VERY housebound and isolated. Unable to get groceries. Unable to get out of the house. Unable to take Anne to the playground or even just give her a rest from our tiny (feeling tinier by the day) condo.

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And when one is housebound, one usually tries to compensate by reaching out to one's friends.

BUT I HAVE NO PHONE AND NO INTERNET.

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Communication items aside?

To be honest, I'm not doing that great in the "Stable Emotions Department". I am crying at the drop of a hat, feeling overwhelmed, guilty, exhausted (not sleeping will do that for you) and very isolated. But worst of all, I feel guilty and like a burden, like a whiner and complainer which is so not like me.

Physically, these past few weeks have been harder than my pregnancy with Anne. Between carpal tunnel syndrome (which means no writing, barely any typing, no cleaning etc. - you know ALL THE STUFF YOU DOWHEN YOU ARE STUCK AT HOME AND CUT OFF FROM THE WORLD), swollen feet and hands and an achy back and hips, I am not a pleasant companion.

Poor Anne is having to put up with a lot these days.

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This is one of those weeks when I wish we still had a TV. It'd be so easy to just let her watch some TV or even veg in front of it myself. And without Internet, I feel out of the loop on news and weather as well.

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So all that to say....pray for me?

I'm sure I'll even feel guilty about posting this. It's self-indulgent and ridiculous when I have so much to be thankful for.

But right now? Another good cry sounds pretty good.

In which it is a sushi and sunset night

 I drove Annie out to Abbotsford this morning and spent a bit of time with my parents before heading back home. Anne didn't even blink when I left; she was all "Yeah, see you later. I'm good."

We spent most of the afternoon wistfully talking about Anne and missing her, debating whether or not to just get back in the car and go hang out.  Finally, I laid down for a sleep for an hour and woke up a bit more refreshed (I only had 3 hours of sleep last night...yahoo for late pregnancy). So we decided to just get in the car and go for a drive. I knew she was probably having the time of her life with my parents (sure enough, she was...I've chatted with my mum since then. I don't know who had more fun - her or them! ) so we bucked up and decided to make the most of our Anne-less Weekend, despite my enormous puffy feet (and face and shoulders and hands and....)

We've always loved to drive ....ssssshhhhh...don't tell; they'll make me revoke my environmentalist status.  Despite the price of gas, we enjoyed ourselves immensely. We drove around our neighbourhood to indulge in one of our favourite pastimes - House Dreaming. We lust after houses we see, imagine what we'd do to them and dream after the day when we have a yard and a garden and a deep freeze.

Then we drove to North Vancouver just for the fun of it, driving along the water line and exploring a new neighbourhood. North Van has such a different feel to it. I really like that area although I feel like I stand out a mile just because I'm wearing make-up.

We headed back downtown and I introduced Brian to my favourite sushi cafe. I used to go there at least once a week while I was working but haven't ever taken him. It was practically empty tonight which was surprising as its' usually packed. We enjoyed sushi (don't worry - no sashimi for me....I do know better) and udon and a great conversation. Then we drove through Stanley Park.

We parked at Ferguson Point and walked down to the seawall to watch the sun set in the west. It was beautiful in every sense of the word. There is nothing quite like the smell of the sea, the sound of the water, the sun setting on the mountains over a navy blue city - especially with the love of your life.

Then we got in the car and drove home on the highway, listening to Coldplay's latest CD way too loud, windows down, watching the stars.