In which I have a Bucket List

I have a list of things to do before I die. I add and subtract from the list occasionally but it's remained more or less the same. Some of them are a bit "inside" things but generally this is it.

Just to be clear, I haven't actually, you know, seen the movie "Bucket List" but I gather that the general idea is to write a list of things you absolutely want/need to do before you 'kick the bucket'. 

So that's what I call it. And here is mine: 

• Celebrate a 50 year anniversary with my husband.
  
• Raise my children to love God and love people above all else.
  
• Be an ordinary radical by loving God and loving people myself.
  
• Travel to all ten provinces and at least one territory in Canada.
  
  
  
  • British Columbia
    
  • Yukon, NWT or Nunavut
    
  • Alberta
    
  • Saskatchewan
    
  • Manitoba
    
  • Ontario
    
  • Quebec
    
  • Newfoundland/Labrador
    
  • New Brunswick
    
  • Nova Scotia
    
  • Prince Edward Island
  
  
• Take the train acros Canada
  
• Be in New York City over Christmas to see the Rockefeller Tree and even celebrate New Years in Times Square. And see a Broadway play.
  
• Take the boat out to Niagara Falls.
  
• Stay the night at the Banff Springs Hotel.
  
• Travel to these countries (layovers don't count!):
  
  
  
  • UK (England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales)
    
  • Mexico
    
  • France - eiffel, louvre etc.
    
  • Spain
    
  • Russia
    
  • South Africa
    
  • Kenya
    
  • Morocco - casablanca
    
  • Afghanistan
    
  • India
    
  • New Zealand
    
  • Egypt
    
  • Israel
    
  • Italy
    
  • Vatican City
    
  • Japan
    
  • Austria - symphony and cafe sachar
    
  • Australia - great barrier reef, tez
    
  • Belize
    
  • Guatemala
    
  • Germany
    
  • Poland
    
  • Brazil
    
  • Cuba - smoke a cigar in Havana
    
  • China
    
  • Thailand - Bangkok
    
  • Vietnam
  
  
• Visit these continents: Africa, Asia, North America, South America, Europe and Australia
  
• Swim in these oceans: Atlantic, Pacific and Indian.
  
• Sunbathe topless on the Mediterranean.
  
• Graduate from university.
  
• Live in another country.
  
• Get married.
  
• Have kids.
  
• Go on a spring break ski trip
  
• Go to New Orleans and drink cafe au lait in a street cafe
  
• Swim in the Gulf of Mexico
  
• See the Grand Canyon
  
• See Bryce Canyon
  
• Sleep in a hostel in Europe
  
• Attend Eucharist at an Anglican cathedral
  
• Go on an Alaskan cruise.
  
• Backpack Europe with Brian.
  
• Live in England for at least a year together.
  
• Learn to speak French fluently again.
  
• Attend a war protest.
  
• Own a deep freeze.
  
• Be on a disaster relief team.
  
• Go winter camping and sleep outside in an igloo.
  
• Attend a candlelight vigil.
  
• Follow the church calender for an entire year
  
• Start a church with fellow believers.
  
• See U2 in concert.
  
• Snowboard at Whistler.
  
• Go on a safari.
  
• Learn to knit.
  
• Learn to bake bread.
  
• Grow my own herbs.
  
• Make a quilt out of my children's "keepsake" clothes.
  
• Make a scrapbook of Anne's first year.
  
• Make a scrapbook of Joseph's first year.
  
• Knit a sweater and actually wear it.
  
• Work at a soup kitchen at Christmas.
  
• Volunteer at Mercy Ministries.
  
• Act in a local play.
  
• Participate in a book club.
  
• Teach my kids how to skate, swim, water-ski and ride bikes.
  
• See the northern lights.
  
• Attend a surf school in Tofino.
  
• Go on a trip with my sister - just the two of us - to somewhere exotic.
  
• Have another baby - either biologically or through adoption.
  
• Watch a baby being born (someone other than myself!).
  
• Go on a dog sled ride.
  
• Write a book.
  
• Write a book of poetry.
  
• Publish them - and self-publish doesn't count!
  
• Go on a three-day canoe trip with my husband.
  
• Go on a wine tour.
  
• Take a class in photography.
  
• Have a red front door.
  
• Grow a vegetable garden and actually eat the food from it.

Why don't you do it as well?

If you do, post the link in your comments so that we can all read your Bucket List.

 

In which i celebrate "Make Something Day" by making, um, something

In honour of "Make Something Day", I decided to do two things with my hands:

1. Finish the curtains for my kids' room.
   
2. Pack a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child.

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"Make Something Day" is actually tomorrow. Jason Evans wrote this about it here:

“In response to the over-consumptive habits of western culture, Adbusters magazine has been promoting Buy Nothing Day for years now. The Friday after Thanksgiving is typically marked as the highest buying day for Americans. But we live in a world that can no longer handle our consumptive habits here in the west. And while we pile up on things we don’t need a large portion of the world exists without basic human needs being met every day. We applaud Buy Nothing Day … but it isn’t enough for us. As followers of Jesus, we believe that giving is a central part of the lifestyle we are trying to embody. So, we replaced the negative with something positive: Make Something Day.”

Now, I have never actually participated in "Black Friday" shopping. I don't want or need anything that badly, nor do I enjoy shopping enough to brave the madness. So even during my eight years in the USA, I never took that opportunity. So to have a day of "buying nothing" was fairly simple for me. But I liked this approach much more.

I've been trying to do more myself - less meals out, more meals in. Less "prepared meals" and more meals from scratch. Less store-bought cookies and more homemade. Scrubbing the house, doing the laundry and even learning to budget and pay bills with an attitude of thankfulness and presence. Reading books instead of turning on the TV. Playing with my children instead of buying toys with batteries to fill in for me.

So it felt good knowing that I not only saved us money this morning but that I did something myself. Plus, as you'll see below, the Christmas shoebox impacts more than just me and my family.

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To be fair, the curtains actually came from Ikea. But they were miles too long and have languished in my closet, dangerously close to the dusty sewing machine. You know, when we bought curtains for our bedroom, I took them to a seamstress and asked her to hem them. I knew perfectly well how to hem curtains, but I was busy busy busy and so didn't do it myself. Sometimes, I reasoned, it's better to pay for the convenience.

But since I'm seeking to reclaim doing things for myself, I had to put my money where my mouth is.  Being home with my children this year is helping me to do this. I had to lay down a lot of it when I worked fulltime as a marketeer. Now that I have a year of mat leave, I'm able to indulge and relearn these things like sewing.

Brian has been my example in this. He'd rather do things himself. It's not just a matter of money (although there is that too). Rather, it's that he gets so much enjoyment out of "projects" and doing things himself. He loves gardening, carpentry, mowing the lawn, painting...he just loves working with his hands. (Of course, he has taken this way too far....I would pay any amount of money for a moving company but no, we always have to move/pack/haul boxes ourselves. My family hates us for this because then they are recruited into schlepping boxes. And it is justified. When we move, I hate us, too.  But we will always move ourselves. I have just come to accept this. He cannot pay someone to lift a box while HE is able to lift a box.)

This time, I decided to hem the curtains myself. And I did a mighty fine job, if I do say so myself. It took me way too long because I was the Prep Queen.  Despite a rocky start with sewing (right, Mum? Remember home ec?), I have actually learned that sewing is like painting: it's 90% prep work. As taping off is to painting, so ironing and pinning is to sewing.

Anne played all morning (she played Tim Hortons, pretending to get a "choco bun" also known as a chocolate doughnut and then acting like she was going through the drive-thru....oops...) and Joey slept. While I had the sewing machine out, I also mended my jammie pants and a shirt that has been languishing in my closet for months.

And sure enough, I really enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the process - the measuring, the pinning, the ironing and then the sewing.  The fabric felt good in my hands. There wasn't a rush of just "buy something and throw it up on the wall" but instead, when I finished, I stepped back to see what I had finished.

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Finally, Anne, Joseph and I put together a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child. They are collected and distributed to children in more than 15 countries in dire situations, to ensure that they have a Christmas gift.  It is collection week right now so you still have time to get in on it. Unfortunately, no homemade stuff allowed but we did have fun picking these out and putting it together.

I hope to get my children in the habit of thinking of those less fortunate than themselves early in the season as well as early in their lives. I'm doing my best to head that "Green-Eyed Monster Greed" thing off at the pass.

I'll let you know how that is going in about five years when Anne and Joey realise that I really, truly mean it - no video game consoles are allowed in the house.  And yes, I am still the Meanest Mum in the World. I am in good company - my mother was christened the Meanest Mum in the World when she would let me listen to New Kids on the Block. I figure that if she withstood my wrath on that score, I can take anything my kids can dish out.

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So what are you doing for "Make Something Day"? Anything counts - even baking!

In which we play hooky deliberately

Today, Brian and I took the day off together.

For me that meant abandoning my usual "to-do" list and even the sanity-inducing "one-load of laundry a day rule". For him, it meant taking a vacation day from the home restoration business where he works as a carpenter (you know, like JESUS...) and even requesting off of his evening/weekend/on-call work as a flood tech as well as putting down the thick book that has been the source of much wrestling related to his ecclesiology paper which is the bane of my existence.

We didn't do much outside of the ordinary, I suppose. Not only is the budget tight but activities that accommodate the ages of our kids are in short supply (outside of the playground). We talked a lot. We played with the kids. We ate both lunch and supper together. We  had a cuppa tea. We talked some more. We made out while Joseph slept and Anne counted to ten repeatedly - onetotwee...fo...fiiiiive! six! sneven! eight! noine! ten! - in her bedroom.

In short, it was good for my soul. And Brian's as well.

Have you ever heard of "The Five Love Languages" or taken the "Love Languages" test? The basic premise is that not only do we receive love in a certain language but we then need to love others with their "language" in order for them to receive it. For Brian and I, we both speak the language of quality time (his second runner up is Affection but for me, it's Acts of Service...which explains why I nearly jumped him after this incident, also referred to as The Poop Story of 2008). But since our primary language is the same and, as you can ascertain from my first paragraph, that is in short supply, these days are the glue for us.

Even soulmates need time. 

I am reading a book right now that claims that there is an "intimacy famine" in our society right now. We are too busy to be truly intimate in our relationships so we just skim the surface, never truly going deep with each other. In truth, it's really a time famine.

One of the values that Brian and I have articulated for our marriage is that we wish to be fully and authentically present in the moment. We never want to be so busy looking forward or back that we miss where God has placed us right here, right now. We don't want to be wishing away the stage that our children are in. We don't want to be hurrying through this time of preparation. We have always - purposely - been very deliberate in how our life looks.

Our life looks the way it does because that's the way we have chosen for it to be (sometimes that's good, sometimes it's not...we don't always make the right choice). But we have chosen to follow what we believe to be God's will for our life and that has brought us here. And here is where we want to be. Together.

These are the moments that we will remember.

In our wedding programme, we wrote this quote by Thoreau:

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

The point for us was not the "going to the woods" but the "living deliberately" part. We've always sought to live our lives purposefully. No careening from circumstance to circumstance, appointment to appointment. Pause. Stop. Ask if this is what you really want. What should my life look like? Should it look like 10 hours in front of the TV a week? Should it look like living far away from family? Should it look like the easy job that looks "successful" to everyone else? Should it look like a lot of money even at the expense of our children's early years? Should my children think that shopping is the only way to spend time with their parents or have fun? Should it be instant gratification for them - or me? Should it look like corporate Christianity or should it resemble something simpler and more authentic? Should it be Jesus-as-CEO or Jesus-as-Savioiur-Redeemer-Friend? Should it represent the incredible grace of God? Should my life - on a daily basis - speak without words of the Love that carries me? (And I was surprised when I read this book to see that quote at the front and those same sentiments expressed. Felt a bit eerie....)

So we took today off together, deliberately. We did it to have a "do-nothing" day of running errands, talking about our life, making meals together, kissing for an hour or two during naptime and generally pouring a bit more time into this - the most vital relationship of our life.

In which this is what is NOT going on in our house today

In the spirit of "Not Me Mondays" started by MckMama, I'd like you to know a short list of what is NOT going on at our house....

• I did NOT add yet another item to my "List of Things I Swore I Would Never Allow in My House....Before I Had Kids But Have Now Had to Eat My Words" list. Right up there with Dora the Explorer and McNuggets is now the Princess fantasy. No, my daughter did NOT receive her first tiara and then want to wear it ALL DAY LONG.
  
• And no, we did NOT have a pitched battle because I wouldn't let her wear it to Granville Island.
  
• I am not blogging while Anne watches Dora, while dressed up like a princess and eats McNuggets.
  
• And finally, I am NOT wearing the tiara myself RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE because who doesn't secretly harbour the princess fantasy? Nope, not me. 

In which this is how Anne adjusted to Joseph

This happened when Joseph was about one week old. I have been thinking about it ever since and finally want to write about it without crying. This has deeply affected me and reminded me again that I have a deep, soulful daughter even at just two years old.

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Anne hasn't betrayed any sibling rivalry or jealousy with Joseph. She's had some adjustments but really, she almost seemed more upset with me than with the baby. She loved the baby. She just couldn't figure out why I wasn't 100% hers anymore. She never acted out at Joey or even at me to be honest. But I could see that she was confused and a little overwhelmed by everything. She stopped her potty training altogether. She seemed just needy; needing me and my time so much even as I was recovering from his unorthodox birth and having a brand new baby in the house. I felt like I was constantly on a tightrope, trying to balance their needs.

One day, when Joseph was a week old, she had a hard morning. Just didn't want to do anything, followed me very closely, kept being nice the baby whenever she thought she didn't have my attention, almost like "If I play with the baby, maybe she'll play with me too." It saddened me. I kept putting Joseph down and giving her all of my attention all morning and she would pick up for a while and then become sad or quiet again. She didn't want to eat. She didn't want to read her books. She just followed us around like a mournful little puppy.  I put her down for her nap finally and she slept soundly for about three hours.

But when I woke her up, she sat up in bed, looked at me and just burst into tears.

She wasn't screaming. She wasn't tantruming. She was weeping from the core of her heart. Big tears rolled down her face and she held up her little arms to me, just gasping and saying over and over again, "Mumma."

I gathered her into my arms and carried her out to our living room to rock in the rocking chair. She wasn't content with just being in my lap; she turned around and wrapped her legs around me waist, laid her head on my breast and just wept. I held her and rocked and prayed. At first, I thought that maybe she had hurt herself or that her arm had fallen asleep or something. But she wasn't in any physical pain. My heart was so heavy for her. I prayed and hummed, rocking her and whispering how much we loved her as she cried. Eventually, Joseph woke up and started to cry. She cried even harder. I had been holding her for about 20 minutes and knew that Joey needed to eat.

But something my mother told me once has stayed with me for years. She told me that the way that she made sure that I never resented my sister was quite simple: she always picked me first at this stage. See, her opinion was that my sister, who was a baby, was getting a lot of time anyway with sleeping in their room and breastfeeding etc. and what's more, she wasn't going to remember being made to wait. But me? I was Anne's age. And I would remember that I didn't get picked first. I would remember being second place. So whenever it wasn't a life-or-death or tantrum thing, she always picked me first when we were small, trying to make sure that I understood that I was just as important as the baby.

My children are 25 months apart, just like me and my sister.

So I picked Annie.

I never made a move to get Joey. I told her that this was her time and he was okay waiting.  She gulped and told me that she wanted to go back to bed. I carried her into her bedroom, over Joseph's crying, and put her into bed. She told me she wanted me to stay close. I said, "I'm not leaving, Anne. Mummy's right here. I'll be right here."

Then, my sweet, selfless daughter looked up at me, her blue eyes filled with tears, her cheeks wet and her lips trembling with emotion and said "You go get Baby Joe. He need nummers." (which is our word for nursing) 

She wanted to share, even at her moment of need.

So I went and got the baby and brought him into her darkened room. I sat down in the chair and began to nurse him. Annie laid down and looked at us quietly, now just hiccuping and sobbing once in a while.

She said, "Mumma, you sing?"

So I sang. I sang and sang and sang. Every old song I could think of from my childhood in small churches, old hymns, songs about how our soul is only satisfied in Jesus. Songs about how he loved us and how our trust is in him alone.

Tears kept falling from her sky-blue eyes and she just laid there, watching us quietly. No loud sobs anymore, just quiet weeping.

My mother arrived at the house. She came into the room and quickly took stock, figuring out what was going on (so discerning!). She gathered up Annie in her arms again. Anne wrapped her legs and arms around her. They just held onto each other for a while, my mum smoothing her hair and whispering to her that "Gah loves you too, Annie. Gah love you." Anne stopped crying and rested in her arms, quiet now.

We all stayed in that dark room for another thirty minutes, just loving on Anne, singing songs.

---

I look back on that day now and I wonder, was she grieving?

Since then, she has not betrayed the slightest hint of jealousy. She has accepted Joseph as "here to stay" and loves him fiercely. She doesn't act out with me. She doesn't act out with him. She proudly tells everyone who pays her the slightest attention that she "has a baby brudder."

But I wonder about that day. Was that her day when she realised that he was here to stay? The day that she realised she had to share her Mummy, the day she came to grips with that and conquered her selfishness?

She was so sweet and so sad, looking up at me and telling me to go get the baby. I was prepared to let him cry as long as it took with her, but her tender heart wouldn't allow it.

The more I think about it the more I believe she was mourning from the centre of her tiny heart, mourning the passing of what had been and preparing to embrace what was coming next. Even if she couldn't articulate it, she knew in her heart that things had changed and, before moving forward, she had to grieve for what had passed.

In which this is just one of the perils of being married to a jock

My husband was like something out of an Archie comic in high school. The quintessential American boy from the midwest.
You know the guy....captain of the football team, captain of the basketball team, student body president and even (you knew it was coming) homecoming king. I think his high school girlfriend was even blonde.
I was the kind of kid that smoked under the bleachers and wrote very bad poetry.
Doesn't God have a sense of humour?

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There are some perils of being married to a former jock. One of them is that he can't watch any type of sporting display - soccer, football, basketball, baseball, even curling - without saying "I could do that....and probably do it better."
Yes, dear. Of course you could.

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Which brings me to my current peril....and I voice this on behalf of my daughter and son. Remember that I'm a mean mum that only allows one tub of toys in the house? I realised a few weeks ago that that tub is almost completely full of child-and-adult-size sporting equipment.
There was the soccer ball.
The football.
The basketball.
The tiny football.
The tiny basketball.
The tiny hockey stick.
The, oh, three hundred or so nerf-y looking balls.
The tennis balls.
Then came the golf set with a driver, a pitching wedge and a putter.
When he walked in the door with the lacrosse sticks, I put my foot down.
I've slowly been weeding the sporting goods out, reminding him that the kids are, you know, just two years old and two months old. So might be a little early for the authentic, genuine ESPN Gameday football.
I've had to promise him though that as soon as Anne turns three, she has to be signed up for either Timbits Hockey or soccer. And that he gets to coach.

In which I am already preparing for Christmas...but not the way you might think

Advent is almost upon us.

Three years ago, we decided to buy only $10 gifts for our families but didn't reduce our Christmas budget. We then used the remaining money to purchase items out of the World Vision "gift catalogue" such as seeds and goats and mosquito netting for families that were poor, homeless and in need around the world usually as a result of war, famine or drought. We still had a great Christmas. (That was the Christmas we announced we were pregnant with Anne. It was also my last Christmas with my Granny as she passed away just four months later.)

It keeps my perspective to remember that $50 can supply an entire classroom with books, pencils and paper or buy a family a woodstove or feed a hungry child for 30 days.

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We have decided to scale back Christmas again this year. It's partly practical (we don't have the money to do much this year) and partly because of our continuing conviction that Christmas, for us, is more meaningful when we don't buy into the consumerism and materialism.

Christmas is a joyous season, especially for believers.

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Watch this video (it's just 2 minutes or so) to see what I mean....

Advent Conspiracy is a movement that I discovered last year. They spread the word, restoring the scandal of Christmas by substituting compassion for consumption.

For three years now, Christmas isn't about credit cards. It's been about:
- Worshiping Christ more meaningfully.
- Refusing our culture's hunger for consumerism.
- Giving relationally to our friends and family.
- Loving all by giving to those most in need.

The past two years of Advent Conspiracy has changed the way tens of thousands of Christians celebrate Christmas, and resulted in millions of dollars being redistributed to needy neighborhoods and solving the global water crisis.

Expect Jesus to be worshiped and lives saved as thousands of churches to join in the blessed mischief this year.

You can join their group on Facebook here or find them online here. If you get a chance, you might ask your church to play that video on Sunday mornings leading up to Christmas.

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We are planning on following the Regent Advent readings this year. I like to keep the focus where it belongs during this season and this beautiful book helps me to do that.

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It's my prayer and hope that my children have memories of Christmas like I have. Baking with my mum, playing outside, being with my family, the magic of preparation, anticipation that almost beats satisfaction, giving to others. I love that my parents always kept the focus where it belonged for Christmas.

Don't get me wrong - I love love love Christmas. We even make-believe about Santa Claus and the whole bit. (Kids only get a passport to fairyland for a few years....might as well enjoy it, is my opinion) We buy the kids gifts. We don't go overboard though (or try not to!). They get one book, one toy and one outfit from us. We will bake all month long (Annie loves to bake), do some crafts, decorate the house, read stories and make cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve.

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But my favourite part of Christmas is always Christmas Eve at church. Getting dressed up with my family, going out in the dark to worship together with my beloved community of fellow believers. Singing songs, listening to familiar Scripture, holding hands in church, lighting candles.

Breathing in the holy for another moment, pausing to bow down and rejoice.

Worship fully. Spend Less. Give More. Love All.

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Are you doing anything special this Christmas to reflect your values?

In which these are a few of the things I miss about the States

Note that I said "things" not people...or else this list would be very long.

1. NPR. Seriously. CBC Radio can't hold a candle to it. I still listen to NPR online just because I love it so much. Not only is it great reporting, particularly on under-reported stories but they have David Sedaris and "This American Life". What more could you ask??
   
2. The food. Dear Jesus, the food. I ate my way through the USA for 8 years (and had 50 pounds to lose when I moved back home but hey, I got it done and so now I think it was SO WORTH IT, glory, hallelujah). I miss the Grist Mill, Mamacitas and a host of other local places in New Braunfels and San Antonio (ah...Rosario's....I'm missing thee). I particularly was jonesing for Sonic's Lemon Berry slushes while I was pregnant. And it was cheap, delicious food....
   
3. Hugging people. I was never hugged more in my life than I was in the USA. People would meet me and they would hug me. At first, this was off-putting. Then they sucked me in. Now I'm a hugger and a toucher. I just can't help myself. It's so warm and friendly and unpretentious. Of course, all of the people I work with are often quite stunned by my propensity to just give a hug or touch them on the arm....I can't help myself, I tell them. I lived in Texas for a while.
   
4. Half Price Books. 'Nuff said after this post. I haven't found such a fabulous used bookstore before or since.
   
5. Christian Bookstores. I am unapologetically in love with Christian bookstores. I know they can be lame (Testamints, I'm looking at you) and off putting to some. But I can't help myself. I love them. Mardel in Tulsa is a place that I used to be able to get lost for a good while. Now the only Christian bookstore I can find is way out in Abbotsford.
   
6. Cheap gas. I remember paying obscenely low prices for gas when we first moved to the States....like $15 to fill up my car kind of obscene. Even now, they are about $2.50/gallon which works out to about 63 cents a litre! We are rejoicing because gas has finally dropped below a dollar a litre here.
   
7. Cheap housing. We bought a custom-built, brand-new home in Texas (3 bedrooms, 2 bath, 1550 sq feet) for about $106K. I paid about Lord-knows how many times that for an 800 sq foot glorified apartment in Vancouver. *sigh*

But to be honest, it's really the people.

I miss our friends and our church so much, it aches sometimes. I had one of those weekends recently.

We have had a lot of "our kids" getting married this year or going through big changes or graduating university or having babies. I want to be there for a good long visit. No amount of email can make up for wanting to be there for a real heart-to-heart.

I'm thankful for true friendships and relationships, even if they were just for a season.

In which I am a lady of leisure (for one hour)

I took an hour to myself today.

A. Whole. Hour. To. Myself.

*faints*

I have not been without one (usually both) of the kids at all times for the past two months. So this afternoon, when Anne went down for nap and I had just finished nursing Joey, Brian bundled me out of the door for an uninterrupted hour of bliss.

I went for a walk around the neighbourhood. It's grey and cloudy but unseasonably warm. The trees have lost all of their leaves already and every sidewalk is carpeted in them.

(Side story: I realised about a block in that I was talking to myself out loud. I'm so used to narrating our day with Annie and Joe that I unconsciously talk out loud all the time now.

"Well, they've already got their Christmas lights up! How about that? And that house has a puppy in the window!"

Wait a minute. I'm by myself. And getting odd looks from passersby.....better shut up, Sarah.)

Then I walked over to our neighbourhood coffee shop. I got my usual and curled up to read my book for the remainder of the time. I had a table of girls from the soccer tournament right next to me. I really like teenage girls. They are the best seatmates if you want some good eavesdropping. "Totally, man."

I walked back home and found both tinies still fast asleep and Brian pounding on the computer, trying to finish this paper of his that has become the bane of my existence.

I realised afresh just how much I need alone time. I am, by nature, an introvert. I need a lot of alone time. I am naturally pretty quiet and to-myself. I have learned to be more outgoing and friendly. And I enjoy it. I love chatting with people, I love making friends now, I love keeping friends. But it does tire me out. I am weary and when I am weary the best thing for me is an hour like this. An hour to think and wander, to read and enjoy a cup of tea.

And to just be quiet.

In which it is time for some linkage

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon and both tinies are asleep(!) so I thought I'd share a couple of fun things with you.

• This is the best pumpkin bread I've ever had in my life. I have made it from scratch now twice and LOVE it. Thanks to my friend, Dana, for the head's up.
  
• I've started to fall in love with "simplify your life" or "unclutter" type of blogs. I have subscribed to about half a dozen in the past week or so (have I mentioned lately how much I love Google Reader?). Does that count as clutter?
  
• Among my new favourites, check out Simple Mom.
  
• I have also become the big advocate of "buy local or buy handmade". You may remember that I'm a recent convert to Etsy. Well, since I'd love to stay home with my kids someday(!), I like to support other women that are doing whatever they can to make that dream a reality for their families as well as express themselves artistically.
  
• To that end, I ordered my Christmas photo cards from a designer at Etsy called Chickpea. I picked this one. The cool thing is that she does the design and sends you the high-res file. Then you can attach that card to your e-letters/greetings as well as print off as many as you need (either at home or through Superstore etc.). I like that I can control how many I need and also do one-offs.
  
• Along those same lines, my floor chaplain from university, Resa, has a successful internet business going these days called Resa Design. She makes mod clothes/accessories for babies and toddlers. Love them. I think Anne and Joey will be getting these for Christmas...And they retail in Canada at Raspberry Kids.
  
• 
  
• Some of you have asked where I got Anne's new hat. (It was a gift from a good friend of mine so I had to check the tag and do some hunting.) It's made by a fellow-mum from Calgary and they retail around Canada.  They're called "Haute Tots".
  
• Here are fourteen benefits of simplicity.
  
• One of the greatest pieces of advice I've gotten came from my friend, Jenn, on this blog post (comments section). To that end, I've done one load of laundry every day. And I am actually on top of the laundry train without having to dedicate an entire day to laundry. Hallelujah. And amen.
  
• Simple Mom is running an offer where you can make free photobooks (you just pay for shipping).
  
• The fellow at Reclaiming the Mission had an excellent article on "How do Christians Grow and Mature?" and another excellent one on Spiritual Formation for Missional Leaders.
  
• Andrew Jones (AKA "Tall skinny kiwi") rounded up some good Christian female bloggers. Very interesting reading (especially when you're up late, nursing a 7-week-old...)
  
• 
  
• Finally, Angie Smith has launched a new idea called 7x7 to get mothers to pray for their kids seven times a day, seven days a week. Follow the plan here.

So that's what caught my eye this week!

In which it is International Baby Wearing Week

We love to wear our babies. It makes for happy babies which makes for happy mummy! So we're celebrating International Baby Wearing Week!

We do both sling and Snugly around here. I don't think Joseph has been in the stroller more than 5 times so far!

Brian and Anne (4 weeks old here)

Me and Annie (11 months old here)

Me and Joseph.

Do/did you wear your baby much? 

You can submit a photo of yourself wearing your baby to win a sling from Nonny and Boo.

In which there is a practical side to this

I'm not completely esoteric and cerebral about this simplicity thing.
A couple of people have asked what I am actually doing to reflect a simpler way of life.
Here are a few off the top of my head (while the tinies snore....time is limited!):

1. The first thing is that we've stopped a lot of the "doing". Busy does not equal better/more spiritual/more important. Just like more money doesn't equal more love or more time.  For instance, we are already feeling at our limit between Brian working full time as a carpenter plus "on-call" as a flood tech all hours of the night and weekends PLUS trying to finish his grad school work. Then we've got two tinies to boot. We simply couldn't do it all and maintain our family life, let alone a love affair. So we dialed down what we could. Some people didn't agree with some of our decisions. Like we couldn't be that involved at our local church or attend a Bible study. But you know what was the better thing for us? To NOT go to Bible study and instead have an evening together at least once a week. That was holiness to me.
   
2. I've learned that we can both do about two things well. For me it's my family and the household right now. Sure I have a couple things I sprinkle in like my Bible study on Thursday mornings or getting together with friends now and again. But really that's it. I don't have time to do major writing or freelancing right now, for instance. For Brian, it's family and work...so having to do school as well is pushing him (and therefore me) over the edge. Boy, will we be glad when he's done those last two classes. I'm sick of single-parenting.
   
3. I don't keep a lot of clutter in the house. I spent four years accumulating crap from Target and have now spent four years getting rid of it all. Do you know how many times I have cursed Target and their wretched clearance aisles that have resulted in me spending oodles of money that I could have saved?  Many times, my friends, many times.  I have decided to embrace my small space and be present here. Instead of pining for a large house or filling this shoebox of a condo with those things. Nothing prioritizes your stuff faster than 800 sq feet. No need to save all of those vases from the florist. No need for 15 scarves. No need for books that I don't read or even like. No need for those shoes you never wear. No need for a coffee table. No need for bar stools. No need for more Bath and Body Works crap. No need for most of those decorating items....less stuff to dust. (Sidenote: I've found that I'm starting to cross the border from simple to minimalist so Brian has stepped in to slow me down. I am the antithesis of a pack rat these days so he is reining me in now and then.)
   
4. There are big benefits to a small place. I can vacuum this place in 10 minutes, flat. I can clean the entire house - and I mean, a deep-raised-by-a-MacLeod-kind-of-clean - in less than two hours. Plus you can't stomp off all mad because, really, where will you stomp to? The washroom? So you spent time on top of each other and get to talking.  Of course, I still want a deep freeze but that's another post.
   
5. I combined contact information. I had addresses in several places - Yahoo, in Excel docs and in an enormous address book. So I picked one (Yahoo) and just consolidated all addresses in there. Then I can download an Excel file now and again when I need it (i.e. printing labels for Christmas cards).
   
6. I have gotten rid of all of our CDs. (Word to the masses that might want to give me a gift (ha!): never buy me another CD, please.) I converted the ones we actually listened to still (which were surprisingly few...come on....what was I doing with four (FOUR!) Celine Dion CDs???) to iTunes. That freed up the space that a lot of CDs were taking plus it again consolidated things. I'm big on consolidation in case you can't tell. It's my new thing.
   
7. I am getting rid of my photo albums. I have all of our photos on my computer, in a backup hard drive, uploaded to Snapfish for sharing and ordering PLUS I was ordering the full set and putting them into actual albums every month with captions. HELLO! Waste of time and money and energy or WHAT? Plus, Anne is just barely two and I already have 8 (EIGHT!) albums. That's space I don't have, sister. So now they're all getting into a photo box, albums are on their way to the Salvation Army and I've stopped this pathological ordering of prints. I'll print off or order the few that I want to frame. Otherwise, the photos on the computer and on Snapfish are enough. Seriously. This is the digital age and I need to get a clue.
   
8. I went through our clothes and got rid of everything that hadn't been worn in at least 6 months. That included my "dream skinny clothes" that fit for all of six weeks before I got pregnant with Anne. Rats. But now we have space in our closets. And some skinny person that went to Salvation Army will be mighty happy. Drat her skinny hide.
   
9. We don't buy toys in our house. I know. I'm the meanest mum in the world. We don't have room for them and when toys are strewn, top to teakettle, Mummy is an absolute bear to live with (I have this on good authority). So we have one green bucket for toys and that's it. If something comes in, something goes out. Period.
   
10. I try to avoid malls and shopping. It's amazing how hard this is to do when you live in a rainy, cold climate during the winter months. But we go to the community centre or the library or to a friends house or just stay home. But this is bigger than just frugal living for me (which is obviously part of this....) but for my kids to grow up knowing that you don't have to spend money or shop to have fun.
    
11. I keep myself limited on commitments - even online. So I don't do Plaxo, Friendster or MySpace. Just Facebook for staying up with friends/family and Xanga for blogging. That's it. I don't do message boards much (just one special one *wink wink* "Hi, girls!"). I save all of my blogs/websites that I like to read to Google Reader so that I just have to read one page in the morning to stay on top of things instead of bookmarking and visiting dozens of sites. I have enough going on in real life.
    
12. I don't have a cell phone.
    
13. I ask myself every time we are shopping "DO I NEED THIS?" and more importantly, "WHERE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH WOULD I PUT IT?!?" If the first question doesn't stop me in my tracks, the second one usually will.
    
14. We try to live sustainably...but still have a long way to go.
    
15. We try to live frugally. This is a hard one when you are paying for a (very very very expensive) graduate degree. So we work hard to make sure our expenses don't exceed our income...not an easy feat these days. Another reason we're looking forward to Brian being finished with school is for our finances....we have a lot of goals once those expenses are gone. Things like paying off our debt which shouldn't take long, saving up our supply again, working towards paying off as much of our mortgage as possible, giving more of our income and so on.
    
16. Speaking of which, we give at least 10% of our income. We support our local church, an AIDS orphan in Rwanda, a few friends of ours that are missionaries and also do occasional donations during the season like at Union Gospel Mission. Because really, we have so much. And it's good to keep that in mind.

Basically for me, it comes down to being mindful in my life. I want the details of life to never overtake the real life I want to live. For instance, the great thing about a tiny place is that I can clean it super-fast which gives me more time with my kids (although I make them help me...I'm a big believer in child labour....). No TV means that we either read or have conversations or get outside.
I want to have a life that matters...to my husband, to my children, to my community, to my family...a life that demonstrates the fruit of living a life in the spirit.

---

Do you have anything that you are practicing in your life to be mindful? Or to embrace a simpler way of life? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

In which I rise up to praise

One of the hidden benefit of having small children is getting up early. I am unabashedly a morning person and have been my entire life. I love mornings.

This morning, I was up early nursing Joseph. After I'd settled him back into bed, I went out on our balcony and watched the sunrise.

I felt bathed in the presence of God, just loking at this. Washed clean and renewed, alive and vibrant, full of thankfulness.

But as for me, I will sing about your power.
      Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.
   For you have been my refuge,
      a place of safety when I am in distress.

Psalm 59:16

In which I am on a journey

I prefer to think of my spirituality as a journey as opposed to a cookie-cutter destination. I have always drawn a lot of comfort out of the fact that the early church described our faith as "The Way"....meaning you're on the move and journeying towards.

 

Lately, I have been feeling very thoughtful about my journey. I can see how certain decisions lead to other decisions which lead to other decisions. Epoch to epoch, epiphany to epiphany, mundane dailyness to glory and back again. Most of us live our lives like this, right? (Surely, I'm not the only one!) Of course, I believe a lot of those seemingly minor and insignificant things are actually the leading of the Holy Spirit....

So now I find I am at a new crossroads. I've just given birth to my second child. We are nearing the end of Brian's seminary work. And before anything major changes, I find that I am tracing backwards through all of the seemingly minor (at the time anyway) changes we have experienced over the past few years.

And I am feeling the nudging of the Holy Spirit onwards again. I am feeling once again the need to purge, reevaluate and simplify my life, ensuring that the way we live our lives gives glory to God above all else.

One thing that has changed in our lives in the past three years is that we are learning to embrace a simpler way of life.

We made very good money in our previous life. We bought a house when we were just 23(!). We had three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a yard. We had two vehicles. We went out to eat almost four times a week if not more. We saved money. We spent a lot of money. We felt important. We felt official.  We were busy busy busy and felt good good good about it. We went through seasons where we were overprogrammed and underspiritual. Then through other seasons where we almost couldn't catch our breath because of the wonder of God in our life.

Then .... we stepped out of the boat, eyes fixed on Jesus, to walk on water. Occasionally, we've marched on the water with great faith. Other times, we've been almost up to our eyes in doubt, sinking, calling out for a rescue.

But we are still out of the boat. I am still on the water.

We haven't clamoured back in yet, telling Jesus "Sorry, you'll have to find someone else. This life is too adventurous for us!"

This new way of life started off as a lot of fun. We sold and packed up our house. We moved out of the country. We moved to city life. We didn't have a dishwasher - weren't we having fun!? We reduced our income to one. We reduced ourselves to one vehicle. We weren't in "official full-time vocational pastoral ministry". We suddenly weren't that busy. We suddenly didn't have a lot of friends.

We suddenly felt rather on our own. And rather broke. And rather far away from the excitement of starting out.

We felt rather like we were in the Saskatchewan part of the journey - nothing for miles between what was and what will be, out on the prairie by yourself.

It wasn't that glamourous all of a sudden.

Everything has been up for review. Sometimes I've felt like throwing my hands up in the air and yelling, "Are we done YET?!"

Nope. Not done til you're dead, sister.

Everything from where we live to what we drive to how we treat the earth to how we think to how we feel to whether or not I wear a mask. It's included what I buy (and if). My money, my church, our future, how I spent my lunch break when I was still working, what I saw in the world around me, my relationships, my children, my home, my marriage....everything has needed Jesus. Evidently even my television viewing (and here).

I remember hearing an illustration once that has summed up my life for the past 4-5 years. It's like if you want Jesus to remodel your kitchen. You have all of your plans and budget ready for when he shows up. And then he walks in and says "Great! Thanks for inviting me to a renovation. Let's get started." And then he marches right to your bathroom and starts ripping out tiles. Then it's on to the kitchen, your bedrooms, your living room, your yard. At first, you're sputtering and protesting "Hey! That's not what I wanted!" and then you start to see the vision of what is to come and you relax. After all it's Jesus. You can trust him. When he's finished, your entire house has been overhauled and it's beautiful.

I thought I knew what I was in for. But this relationship with God has had far more than I would have expected. Not all of it wonderful. A few walls needed knocking down and those hurt. But my, what a view we have now!

So I'm feeling thankful. So overwhelmingly thankful for the journey.

And I am feeling like we're nearing another "epoch" or two up ahead so I'm chronicling, praying and resting for just a minute more before we take another step. Stay tuned for more as I go forward....

In which I will not break faith with them

In Flanders Fields

John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved, and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders Fields.

My grandfather was just a kid from the prairies when he went away to war. 

He was shot on a hill in a pre-dawn raid. 

He fell to the ground and laid there while everyone around him rushed past. 

Laid in the mud while it rained.

And he bled from his thigh, unsure if he would live or die, desperate for help.

A buddy of his pulled him to safety that day.

He told us once that he'd never been so afraid in his life as he was that day 

on that hill, alone, 

surrounded by the sounds of his friends running, screaming, 

falling and dying in the dark.

He came home. 

War is a complex thing. As a Christian, I abhor war and seek peace. 

But I am and will always be incredibly thankful for the sacrifices made 

by our "greatest generations" right through the years to our military 

and their families, serving in Afghanistan, fighting new wars.

May they know how deeply we grieve with them,

 pray for them and for peace. 

May they all come home.

I am so proud - and so blessed - to be Canadian. 

I will not break faith with them.

Lest we forget.

In which you surely didn't think that was all I had to say about that, did you?

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. ~ President-Elect Barack Obama

Thanks, Yanks!  

---

We had an Election Night party at my parent's house last night. We feasted and watched CNN. And what a night it was!

(Sidenote: I find it so odd that Americans start revealing/broadcasting the results before all of the polls are closed. This is incredibly wrong in my opinion. You shouldn't start the show until the last American has voted and then start to roll in the results. Just unfair.)

---

When Obama won Pennsylvania, Brian looked at me and said, "It's going to be a landslide." And it was. Suddenly, they were calling states for him like Ohio and then....oh, my....Virginia! We all cheered. It was a fun night with states being called and seeing the maps fill in. I will never - no, as long as I live - understand the American election system with their electoral colleges and whatnot - but I understood enough to know that 270 was the magic number.

And then the western polls closed and they called it.

President-elect Barack Obama!

---

I was so impressed with Senator McCain's concession speech. He was incredibly gracious (even if some of his supporters were/are not...). That was the John McCain that I liked so immensely when I lived in the States. He was thoughtful, courageous, working to unite an ultimately a pragmatist.

I hope and pray that everyone that voted for him follows his leadership. He is a good man.

---

The energy and excitement that we saw was palpable - spontaneous crowds in Times Square, at the White House and then the enormous crowd in Grant Park. I looked at that crowd of people and I thought "That's what heaven will look like - every colour, every age - everyone together." That's part of what appeals to me about Barack Obama - he is a true uniter. He pulled people into the process that had never had a voice before - young people, Latinos, African-Americans while still drawing traditional groups.

---

I love his family. I love Michelle Obama. What a First Lady she will make! Her intelligence and "equalness" blesses me. He seems to have such respect and love for her. They have an ease and familiarity, a chemistry to their relationship that is pretty obvious. They are real and I relate to them. They have a close-knit family that seems so healthy.

And good for Sasha and Malia on the puppy! How cute was that?

---

And then to listen to President-elect Barack Obama's speech!

I appreciated that he didn't "cowboy up" during this speech. He didn't betray any excessive emotion, he didn't gloat, he didn't even smile that much. He looked - and was - every inch a statesman. He seemed so humbled by what had happened. It was nice to see that humility.

He was inspiring.

---

We were all hushed by this point, just listening. We saw the crowds celebrating. We weren't even cheering anymore. I feel like in thirty years, we will be asked "Where were you when Barack Obama won?" I was sitting in a chair, nursing my little half-American son, ,y half-American daughter, sleeping through history, tears in my eyes. Thankful that they will grow up in a world where this is possible.

Then Brian said, "I am so proud to be an American tonight."

---

It made me remember something.  After 9-11, all of us in the world cried out "We are all Americans!" We were with the Americans. And then, the steady drip-drip-drip of arrogance, unilateral behaviour, war, Abu-Grahib and other policies among other things wore away that good will and tested even the strongest of international ties and the strongest of Bush-supporters. We all knew that they were better than this. They suddenly were content to just "talk the talk" without "walking the walk". And then Katrina happened as well. Anger turned to sorrow at what had eroded.

In his speech, I saw the America that we all know and love. That hope and idealism. It was beautiful to see America "walking the talk" by electing someone that represents their best self, the best American dream. This multi-cultural, multi-racial, inclusive and generous democracy. It was inspiring.

A speech like that - and an election like this - does more to inspire democracy in the hearts of the oppressed and in the nations of the world than a thousand "pre-emptive wars". Democracy done well - like this - is inspiring to us all.

We all love America and believe her best stories that she has told us. We stand with her when she is true to herself like this.

We are all Americans.

---

Americans should be so proud of themselves.

They have elected a man that is intelligent and insightful. A thoughtful man. Someone that inspires hope in millions. Someone that unites people. He is a Christian. He is a family man. He is the embodiment of the American dream. His wife embodies a typical African-American story.

And now he inherits a great, big mess. LOL I hope he runs a country as well as he ran his campaign.

---

There are two things that I see here:

1. The historical significance of an African-American being elected. Others have written so much better and more eloquently than I could ever do on this topic. But I feel it in my heart.

2. It represents that the majority of Americans do want to live by the Golden Rule - do unto others what you would have them do unto you. No more selfishness masquerading as capitalism. No more naked greed disguised as prosperity. The majority of its citizenry has embraced a godly way, a way that says that we are each our brother's keeper. And that what happens to the least of these matters to me. There is something so like the Kingdom of God in this to me.

It seems that Americans want to live more generously as citizens of the global community and their individual local communities. And that is a beautiful thing.

And so Obama's victory in part reflects Americans' deep, if not fully conscious, desire to create a more ethical society, one in which individualism thrives but is not set against conscience, in which capitalism drives the economy but is not allowed complete license, in which patriotism means more than flag waving. A real society. In the words scrawled on a piece of parchment 236 years ago, and which Obama referred to in his speech, "a more perfect union." (Salon.com)

---

Here is his speech in full. It was - without a doubt - the best speech I've ever heard with my own ears. I had goosebumps and tears in my eyes during this speech.

To those -- to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

 

In which I am rejoicing

Now THAT'S the America I know and love!

In which we are finally at this day

As Beth Moore said so eloquently, May we be filled with Christ's Spirit today and our mouths given to praise and to believing, receiving prayer. God IS faithful and He has us firmly in His hand.

We will not fear. We will not doubt. We will not hate.

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

---

I am praying for our neighbours to the south, also known as my dear friends and family. I am excited about what looks to be the outcome (I'm planning on getting a cake for the celebration tonight!) but regardless of my opinions, I pray that the citizens of the USA can move forward together without the fear and anger that I've seen lately.

It's been a tough road for them recently, what with losing their moral authority in the world due to the preemptive war in Iraq and now the financial collapse of their banks and capitalist system which has had ramifications for all of us in the world. That, coupled with the divisiveness that two years of campaigning bring, well, I pray better days are ahead for our brothers and sisters there. What's good for the USA is good for all of us, really.

---

This is an exciting and historic election for many reasons. In particular, I don't think we should miss the historical and spiritual significance of the candidacy of an African-American. When I think of all of those African-Americans voting today - with parents that were victims of segregation and Jim Crow voting laws or children that now have a realistic goal in front of them - it makes me feel a bit weepy. What an accomplishment! Americans should be proud of how far they have come. Sometimes we can focus overmuch on how far we all have to go but this is something worth celebrating.

---

And hopefully someone will start talking election reform soon....I think everyone in the world would like to see them move to a 6 week election campaign with consistent voting methods!

---

God bless you, Americans. We - the rest of the world - are watching and praying.