In which - GRACIOUS PROVIDENCE, IT'S HOT - it's time for various and sundry

Thank you so much for all of your kind comments, emails and private messages about our news. I have felt very supported and loved by you all. It means the world to us.

In other news - IT'S FREAKING HOT HERE. Seriously, people.

It's as hot as it used to be in South Texas but now we live in The Land of No Air Conditioning.

And my husband is building decks outside. In a parking lot. When it's 42 degrees outside. He's tanned like leather and looks like he's lost about 20 pounds this week. If we weren't so exhausted, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him. But it's hot. So never mind.


The other thing about this weather is that I never want to cook. Ever. Like never.

Never ever.

So we've been doing lots of veggie meals. Corn on the cob. Carrots and dip. Tomatoes with mozzarella and basil then drizzled with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Fresh spinach with local strawberries and blue berries. Grilled red peppers. Fruit Loops.

Yes, Fruit Loops. Don't judge me.

One morning, I made a pizza then we had it cold that night. It was fantastique - goat cheese, two entire tomatoes diced, mozzarella, basil, artichoke hearts and tomato sauce. And then feta on top of that. We nearly died of our cheese fit and then we decided we could never, ever, never be vegans. (Sorry, Mandy.) We have also taken to boiling our corn on the cob in the morning and then eating it cold that evening.

In other news - I'm having Baby Fever in a big, bad way again. This could be dangerous.

I have been cryptically mentioning on my Twitter feed that I'm working on some writing. I've actually started writing another book. This is my 8th attempt. But this time? I'm actually staying with it. The trick is that I'm not talking about the actual plot or story. I'm giving myself permission to write what Anne Lamottt refers to as a "sh*tty first draft". And suddenly - TA DA! Inspiration, magic, freedom to just write. No judgement. No one watching. No one critiquing the plot. Just getting it on paper and enjoying the process.

It's nearly killing me not to tell Brian about it. Or have him read it. But I'm doing it.

In other news, we made a conditional offer on a semi-attached house in Abbotsford. Deal didn't go through. No showings this week as it is, as I think I may have mentioned, HOT AS HELL HERE. No one is doing anything other than blandly roaming the mall, thankful for weak air conditioning.

Speaking of weak air conditioning, we actually have a tiny portable one. I park in front of it while the children sleep in their stuffy rooms. I have been slowly moving more posts over from the old site and I'm now through September. Which was when I was E.Nor.Mous.Ly pregnant with Joe. And it just made me thankful that, even though I'm roasting, at least I am not 9 months pregnant this summer.

Good night.

In which I may end up with a deep freeze after all

"Revolutionaries don't always create new, widespread movements. Sometimes they cultivate what's present and let that more deeply influence." (Anne Jackson)

We've decided that we are not going to pursue full-time vocational ministry right now.

Rather, we have decided to put down roots and work for the good of our community. If that means planting a church, then we'll be happy to do that. If that means full-time pastoring again, we're happy to do that. But we are who we are, regardless of job. Brian is a pastor, a minister of the Gospel, a man after God's own heart. Maybe moreso now as a carpenter than when he was a Full Time Vocational Pastor. Now he walks among the broken, the hurting and finds it fulfilling. He's a pastor even if no one ever calls him Pastor Brian again. I may be cloaked in stay-at-home-mum disguise, but I am a radical at heart.

Don't get me wrong. We had some options. We could start a church. And we still might. It seems like a place God may be leading us. But not now.


We could pack up the tinies and move again, if pastoring was what was most important, if being In Ministry was the goal. But we decided that being ministers was more important that Being In The Ministry. And our first priority was to be a true reflection of the heart of God for our tinies.

We have been challenged since we first left ministry to find church outside the walls, to find meaning in vocations that aren't heralded, to live the Gospel beyond the narrow confines of some evangelical mindsets. I think we've found that. And the next logical step is this: living the kingdom, living our beliefs, here and now.

So even though I was never the girl that Just Wanted to be a Wife and Mummy Someday, I am now a SAHM. I want the tinies all to ourselves for just a few more years before everything else lays claim to them - the friends, homework, soccer practices, part time jobs, boyfriends and girlfriends. Just a few short years when I get to influence them most so here I am. Never happier in my life than refereeing naps, pureeing carrots, wiping bums, rocking, nursing and writing on the sly while they nap. Who could have guessed?

As part of this, we were left wondering about location. We love our city and, to be honest, if we could afford a house here, we'd likely stay. But we can't. I can't keep my tinies cooped up in 800 sq ft much longer in good conscience. They yearn for the sunshine, for grass under their feet and for space to run, to hide out from us and become a team.

We believe so much in our family that even our own preferences - like urban dwelling - may have to wait. What's that old line? You can have it all - just not all at once.

We've got our condo up for sale. We're taking a break - who knows for how long? - from the city, trying to get as much yard as we can for our budget.

We're moving them close their grandparents, close to their cousins-that-will-feel-more-like-sisters-and-brothers-than-cousins, close to their Auntie and Uncle and that poochie, Heidi. We are moving them towards what so many in our fractured society can't even dream of - an extended family that loves them more than life.


Brian is a carpenter and happy to do it, spending his days swinging a hammer and singing hope. We want to show our children what home feels like. How we love God and love people in the smallest corners of our lives. What having a community of their own feels like in their hearts. We want them close enough to their grandparents that they can ride a bike there, on the same hockey teams as their cousins, creating a raucous and wild tribe of love that invites everyone - even their little friends - to be a part of tasting what the Kingdom of Heaven will be like, here and now. We will create space for God, create a neighbourhood of love for them.



The only part that stings a bit is knowing that many won't understand. They'll think we've compromised or lost our fire or that we don't have enough faith. I hate being misunderstood. This is taking more faith than almost any other decision we've made. We're daring to imagine a different world, a different way than the usual evangelical hero mode. What do you do when you are trained as a pastor, are a pastor in your core, have thousands of dollars of schooling in that vocation and then just rest in faith? It takes guts to wait. It takes guts to be content where you are at and wait. I've never been prouder of Brian than I am now.


So as part of moving to the valley, I may have enough room for - wait for it - A DEEP FREEZE. Wouldn't that be a kick? I may be about to discover if you can be a revolutionary of love and have a deep freeze in the basement.

In which I am experiencing a thousand gifts

21. The day that a little boy discovered cold water coming out of a hose.

22. Two babies that are already the best of friends.

23. Whenever I lose Anne for a moment, I can usually find her, tucked in her bedroom, looking at her books, "reading" to herself. I love that she can sit and do this for almost an hour by herself, discovering my favourite world.

24. Boys that ROAR ROAR ROAR their pleasure in life.

25. When told that she could pick out any t-shirt in a store, Anne walked over to the boys section, bypassing the princesses and pink, the unicorns and rainbows, to select a bright red boys tshirt. Because she loves baseball and spotted the #3 on it ....TWO TIMES, Mummy.

26. A man that never stops coming up with ideas. Most of them crazy, some of them "You're kidding, right?" inducing and others that are nothing short of brilliant.

27. Three showings in two days.

28. A peace that passes all understanding, guarding my heart and my mind.

29. The dog days of summer spent with family.

30. My mother's strength and endurance.

31. Naked babies in the pool. And no, no pictures on an unprotected site. ;-) I do have some limits. But trust me - those dimples on his bum are DELICIOUS.

I'm working my way to 1,000 Gifts.

In which Joseph Arthur is 10 months old

He's his sister's best friend.

He loves to RAWRRRRRRR!

He's learned to clap his hands

and sing

and yell - oh, does he love to yell -

and say "Hi!"

but his favourite word is

"Mum Mum Mum!"

He hardly eats

And never sleeps through the night.

He loves to nurse

and snuggle,

wrestle

throw toys

pull hair

and give sloppy, open mouthed,

baby kisses.

Every nap is a scrap

But he's never grouchy

Just sunshine

and joy,

with bright blue eyes,

gap toothed grins,

and curly strawberry blonde hair,

standing up on my furniture

or crawling with all his might,

roaring his pleasure

at being all boy.

In which we are blue like play dough AND we have a Book Giveaway!

One day, I was praying about all the hard stuff in life, and into my mind came an image of a blue lump of play dough. As I focused on it, I realised the lump wasn't something my kids or I held in our hands. Rather it was something God held in His. I was that lump. As I watched God pull and tug, I saw that He was following a pattern. He had something in mind. God, the artist, was shaping me, forming me to represent an image of his Son.

The image was there and then it was gone. Donald Miller had blue jazz, I had blue play dough. I tried not to be disappointed.


I don't read a lot of "Mommy Books." I grow tired of the unrealistic ideal, of the predictive steps to better mommy-ing and of - can we be honest? - the guilt. But the fact that she referenced Blue Like Jazz, which is in my top ten favourite books, was definitely a point in the favour of giving this book a go.

But when I received this book by Tricia Goyer, "Blue Like Play Dough: The Shape of Motherhood in the Grip of God", to review, I was a little blah about it. I had zero real interest in reading it. I thought I probably wouldn't get much out of it.

Just when I think I'm so great, such a great mother and really, I have everything under control, I walk in on my son, dabbling in his poo, painting it on the crib. I have now read it in two days and I am yearning for another mother I know to read it so that we can TALK ABOUT IT, PLEASE. This is also known as "Jesus just called my bluff."

Here's a quick summary for you: In the everyday stretch and squeeze of
motherhood, Tricia Goyer often feels smooshed by the demands of life. In Blue
Like Play Dough, she shares her unlikely journey from rebellious, pregnant teen
to busy wife and mom with big dreams of her own. As her story unfolds, Tricia
realizes that God has more in store for her than she has ever imagined possible.

Sure, life is messy and beset by doubts. But God keeps showing up in the
most unlikely places–in a bowl of carrot soup, the umpteenth reading of
Goodnight Moon, a woe-is me teen drama, or play dough in the hands of a child.

In Tricia’s transparent account, you’ll find understanding, laughter,
and strength for your own story. And in the daily push and pull, you’ll learn to
recognizes the loving hands of God at work in your life… and know He has
something beautiful in mind.

Tricia Goyer has a great voice: she's vulnerable without wallowing, she's funny without irony, she's honest but humble. I appreciated her candid stories and her admissions. Most of all, I found myself underlining, circling, nodding, occasionally teary and basically, it felt like she crawled up into my soul and took a look around.

Yes. This is what I, as a mother, feel.

I resonate so much with her story because it feels familiar. She struggles with writing, with balancing her family with her own dreams and desires, with her creeping and compulsive need to be perfect, with people pleasing. In a way, I felt a bit spied upon - much of this book rang a bit too true, if you know what I mean.

Her chapter on Brightening the Blue, about the importance of our walk with the Lord - you know, apart from the family - kind of crawled out of the page and gave me a flick on the forehead. Yes, you, it said. "When my heart is turned toward God, when I abide in Him and give him space to work...peace reigns."

A big theme in the book is one that I have been camped on for a while, as you know: LIVING LOVED. As a mother, that's a toughie because we think so much of our value comes from our these tiny creatures and how we parent them. At one point, she writes about finally allowing her children to truly know her, to be open about her mistakes: "Instead of using my mistakes as an excuse for their own sin, the opposite happened. They witnessed my pain, regret and struggle, and because of that, they developed high standards for themselves. They made positive decisions for their lives, in part because I was truthful about negative ones I made. And the things I wanted to hide forever are the things that showed them I am human, that God is big, and that there is nothing that we can do to separate us from His love." (p. 38)

It's alternately funny and poigniant, thoughtful and insightful. I was pleasantly surprised and then, when I got over myself, I realised I had been convicted and I turned to prayer. Imagine that - convicted without the guilt-trip.

Here's the great news: I have one to give away! So if you'd like to receive it, (US and Canadian shipping addresses only, please) just leave me a comment on this post telling me a great book you've read recently. As I'm always on the look out for a new one to add to my stacks.

I'll draw the winner on July 31 and post the winner the next day. You can earn extra entries if you tell me that you put my button on your blog or Tweeted about it or wrote about it. Just leave another comment and let me know that you did so. I'd love for more women to know about this one.

In which these are 7 Quick Takes

The 7 items of the week that occured to me but didn't warrant their own blog post.

-1-

I will never - no, never - understand why Americans are so freaked out about universal healthcare. To me, it's a pro-life issue and obviously a moral one. Most people seem to think that the government is incapable of running it. That is besides the point. If it's right to do, it's right to do. You'll figure out how to make it work. Gracious providence, such a fuss over something that is such a given in the rest of the world.

And don't even get me started on the barbaric treatment of mothers. 8 weeks of maternity, my lily-white Canadian bum.

-2-

Along those lines, our recent Greatest Canadian debate chose Tommy Douglas as the winner. Most non-Canadians won't know who he is but he is the instigator of universal healthcare in Canada. He was a small town pastor in Saskatchewan that witnessed the atrocities of no healthcare on the working class. He eventually went into politics and put through healthcare in the province.

It's an inspirational and beautiful story of the Gospel in action.

-3-

I am in dire need of a caption for this photo. I scrapbook the first year of my children's life as a keepsake for them (anything more and I may drop dead). Brian took The Tinies to the Home Depot one day and Anne requested a hot dog. That alone almost made us fall over because she hates meat and never eats. So Brian promptly bought her the mystery weiner and then Joe couldn't take his eyes off it.

-4-

I've been flirting with vegetarianism for a while now. I've been a "flexitarian" for a while now. I hardly ever eat meat and even now, rarely eat chicken and fish. I am thinking about just crossing the line altogether. My sister has gone veggie and even moving towards veganism. We've done a lot of talking about it.

As a window, she's as passionate about vegetarianism as I am about attachment parenting and breastfeeding. I'm certainly not where she's at but I see the benefits and I think I could easily make the switch.

Brian, on the other hand, loves a good steak and recently sent this to my sister:


see more Fail Blog

-5-

There is a lot changing in our lives. Stay tuned... Opportunities to either Freak Out or Trust abound.

-6-

We were reading Richard Scarry's Busy Town book the other day at the library. Anne saw a picture of a cat getting loaded onto an ambulance. Quick as a wink, she solemnly informed me that "that kitty was getting borned. Because that's how you get babies, Mummy."

I am so doing a home birth for any subsequent tinies. I'll try to make sure Anne is there for it too so that she can dispell the notion that you HAVE BABIES IN AMBULANCES.

-7-

I am very close to 10,000 hits on this new site. Very exciting milestone. I'm thinking of doing a fun giveaway but wanted to ask for some ideas. My friend, Annie, recommended that I send 10,000 Smarties to someone. Which just made my day.

In which it makes you want to get married all over again, doesn't it?

My dear friend, Sarah (yes another one...just like everyone in the 70s - we're all either named Sarah, Jennifer or Stephanie...and our middle names are Lynn or Marie, no doubt.) shared this and YOU MUST WATCH IT.

I have to admit that I actually BURST INTO TEARS and CLAPPED MY HANDS when the bride appeared. And I have no clue who these people are in real life.



(Scroll to the bottom of the page and pause the music on the blog to watch it.)

Oh, it made me smile today. My husband has promised me that we can do a vow renewal at some point and have ourselves a big reunion/party with all of our friends the world over. Now I just have to convince all of them to come! And dance.

In which I am still myself

This summer, I booked our little 16 year old babysitter to come every Tuesday for three hours. I nurse Joseph, tuck him into bed for his morning nap, Annie dumps out the toy box and then Laura knocks on the door. A few instructions and sloppy kisses later, I am in the car alone. I am always amazed at how easy it is to travel by oneself - no loading of two into their carseats, negotiating sippy cups and soother clips, toys and seat belts. I just...get in and go. Imagine that.

I listen to my music loud - to be honest, music with a few bad words in it that I won't listen to around the tinies - and the window down.

I head to the Waves Coffeehouse on the corner of Begbie and Columbia. I pull up to the tall window tables that I can't use with the tinies around. I set up my laptop and I write for an hour, steadily, while sipping my London Fog. I watch people go by and read my email.

Then I go for a walk around Columbia St., sipping a cuppa tea, wandering into used bookstores, jumbled antique stores, every store that I can't bring toddlers and grabby babies.

I bring the new book that has me by the throat and won't let go, just to sit on a bench at the Quay and read for a while.

I don't really feel like the need to qualify this with "But you know I love my children!" You know I do.

I just also love being me. And mornings like this are a big part of me. And they make me a better Mummy.

In which Joseph gives us a kiss or two

12. Babies that have learned how to make kissy-noises, yell at the slightest provocation and holler "Mum mum mum mum" at me. (Beware....just watching this video will make you want babies. Yikes.)



(You can scroll to the bottom of this page to pause the music. Then watch the video.)

13. Staying up late, talking.
14. Waking in the night just to look at my very full bed.
15. Warm peanut butter on ancient grain toast.
16. The gorgeous smell of my tea cupboard.
17. Hope and grace.
18. Babies that want to be near me.
19. Little girls that know the difference between a mitre saw and a skill saw. For reals. I got schooled at the Canadian Tire.
20. Children's Place bi-yearly clearance....40% off the last reduced price means stock up time at our house. And a little girl that won't take off her $3 bathing suit for love or money all day long.

I'm working my way to 1,000 Gifts.

In which it is time for some link action

A random smattering for and from the Internets. Here is what caught my eye recently....

• Robert McNamara (via Don Miller) teaches a valuable lesson about leadership: be able to say you were wrong.
  

It's like Matthew Paul Turner crawled into my head on this one.

Matthew Paul Turner-On Questions from Cross Point Church on Vimeo.



• Surviving as a Married Without Children couple at your church. Having been there, I have more points than I care to admit. As always, Jon Acuff at Stuff Christians Like is funny as all get out and then wallops you with the truth.


• Here are 10 questions to help you declutter from the Simple Nest.


• I know most of you have likely seen this lovely little song/video from Canadian folk singer, Dave Caroll. If not, here you go.

And here is an insightful commentary from Dave Carrol.

• On living at The Run-a-Muck.


• Photographs of the Afghanistan conflict. I love the Big Picture from the Boston papers but this one is particularly poigniant. I linked through Eugene Cho though as I thought he captured what has been the toll of the war on his site.
  
  
• I've already got Derek Webb's latest album, Stockholm Syndrome. Great songs, new world of electronica, of course. Here's the song that caused the label to nearly drop him.
• The Best Days of my Life had an excellent post about Choosing. Worth a read.
  
• Jesus's missional prayers. (And the hallmarks of a missional church to boot.)

1. Treasuring the gospel
2. Living the kingdom
3. Embodying reconciliation

Once again, random for your pleasure.

In which we spend a summer afternoon at the market

When the tinies awoke from their nap today, we went for a long walk to Tipperary Park. We passed by old heritage homes, walked through evergreens and splashes of flowers but thankfully, avoided any homicidal crows.

By the time we arrived, nicely browned, the Royal City Farmers Market was already in full swing.





We purchased our corn and some heirloom tomatoes. Eventually, we added a half kilo of raspberries and fair trade coffee.

I couldn't resist chai-flavoured honey (seriously...honey flavoured with cloves and cinnamon and nutmeg! Seriously!) and even a beeswax lip balm as a treat.




Then we pulled up a patch of shade to people watch. Anne and I made a supper of crackers, water and raspberries (you think I'm kidding) while Joseph snacked on banana, raspberries and breastmilk.



I told my daughter and son about my Granny Nell and how she always had raspberries in her garden. I said that Auntie and I used to eat ourselves sick on raspberries when we were girls. How we dug the food out of her garden with my cousins, rinsing off the carrots with the garden hose and snapping peas with just one hand.

Even now, I know that July is truly here when we sit in the grass and eat raspberries with our fingers, staining each fingertip red, talking with seeds stuck in our teeth.





After we were done eating, Anne made a few friends by walking up to the kids and announcing "I'm Annie, I'm three and I'm tall!" and just started to dance.

The music was far away - just a lone fiddle player today - but the music in her head was still there evidently. She kicked up her heels and invited all the babies and toddlers to dance with her. They all moved and kicked and shook like a Gospel choir was performing right there on the hill.



Meanwhile, Joseph sat in my lap, one hand tangled in my new necklace. It's part necklace, part teething ring, part nursing grip. He held onto my hair and chewed on the wood, leaving raspberry stains and teeth marks behind.



We walked home in the late day sunshine, unable to avoid the spray park to rinse off our hot and dusty feet. The slide was calling so we went down four times before turning homeward. We walked among the giants of the trees.

Finally tired, the tinies now rode together in the stroller-made-for-one, their arms around each other, watching the leaves move.

Now they are in their beds, fast asleep. The sun has finally set; we are in the thick of the long Canadian summer days that never end. The air is heavy with the day's warmth and they sleep sprawled out, no blankets, windows open.

They grew up again today.

In which I am reminded that we are in it for the long haul

Remember your history

Your long and rich history

I am God, the only God you've had or ever will have -

incomparable, irreplaceable -

From the beginning

telling you what the ending will be,

All along letting you in

on what is going to happen,

Assuring you, "I'm in this for the long haul,

I'll do exactly what I set out to do."

(Isaiah 46:9-10)

In which I wonder what comes first

Is it the chicken? Or the egg?

*snicker snort snicker*

Okay. Seriously.

(from The Naked Pastor)


Our church recently hired an associate pastor. While I don't know him well enough, my understanding is that this young man has zero paid, full-time church experience and, in fact, was a successful trained engineer with a young family.





Our church could have gone the route of most churches and done a national search for the perfect candidate. You know, found the well-educated, charismatic preacher destined for great doings. Most churches send out the job posting, receive resumes, do interviews and choose the most qualified candidate after prayer and counsel. In short, it looks a lot like the usual job interview system.

Instead, our pastors (whom I love and respect deeply) chose this young man from within our community. Why? Because James has served our church for years, faithfully, like a son. He has not been a hired hand. He has loved this church like it's his own (because, you know, IT IS). He has given his time as a volunteer worship leader, lead home groups, swept the steps and picked up trash. Now he is leading the home group leaders of our church and the worship team as well as learning how to pastor. And let me tell you - we are blessed to have him on staff at this church. He is humble and quick to learn, hard working and a man of God.

This process has really impacted us both.

Since Brian left full-time vocational ministry, we have wondered about our next step. As you may recall from Friday's post, we have at last reached the conclusion that we will not be starting a church right away.

Our next step will look like a full time position in a church.





Right? Or not?





Part of our journey has been the realisation that we need each other. We are tired, so tired, of being rootless, family-less in the Kingdom of God. We yearn for the organic growth of community versus the big business driven megachurch. So now that yearning has bled into how we are looking at our next step. When we were at our last church, we were hired through the usual process of resumes and interviews. Now? Not so sure.





What if we served like sons first? Instead of just going where the work is at, we work where we already are? What if we remained faithful and waited for God and our community to see the need for us? What if, instead of sending resumes and interviewing and writing kick-ass cover letters (oh, I write a mean cover letter...), we instead took the radical step of...waiting on God? Allowing this to unfold organically from within our new family? And then serve His church, our family, our community, like sons and daughters?





What comes first? The community? Or the job? Are we Professional Ministers, just going where the work is at? Or are we members of a community, of a family, ready to serve with the gifts that God has given us wherever we are at - even if it means taking your seminary training to the jobsite as a carpenter? And when the community says "yes, we see and recognise these gifts in you, we affirm the calling in your life and want to see your time free to do this full time" then we move forward?

We've been chasing this around in our house lately and I'm curious as to your thoughts.

In which it is multitude Monday this week

Instead of a Not Me Monday, this morning I feel the need to participate in gratitude.

Because my attitude sucks right about now. The end.




I am grateful, thankful, undone with love because of

2. The recent discovery of Murchie's Lavender Black Tea. It smells divine and tastes even better.

3. Snuggles with my children under warm blankets on a surprisingly cold July day just to watch Mary Poppins.

4. The laughter of my daughter now that she "gets" a movie complete with her dancing, hollering "spit spot now!" and blithely singing "tuppins, tuppins, tuppins a baaaaaaag." (No amount of cajoling can convince her that it is, in fact, tuppence.)

5. Babies that take their nap.

6. Sunday mornings at church, beside my parents, singing beautiful songs at the top of my lungs about how my trust is only in Jesus. And meaning it.

7. The blessed 45 minutes of nursery/toddler room respite. Thank you, Childrens Church Workers Around the World. We tired mothers salute you and love you.

8. A handy husband that fixed my kitchen light this weekend. And spackled up the dry wall where Anne was trying to "hammer like Dad" one day.

9. The beautiful sweater that I am still working on. The methodical click of my knitting needles as I pray.

10. That my son has learned to smack his lips together like a kiss. Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! we say all day long.

11. Opportunities that abound to really prove that I trust Him.

12.


I'm on my way to 1,000 gifts, rejoicing at my fortune.

In which these are 7 Quick Takes

The 7 items of the week that occured to me but didn't warrant their own blog post.

-1-

You may remember that we had our meeting with The Denomination about church planting. We were assessed and evaluated within an inch of our lives. Prior to the meeting, Brian and I spent much time talking and praying about it. We came to the conclusion that, while we feel like starting a new church is something we very much want to do - nay, feel called to do - we don't feel like right now is the time. We have grown to feel the need for more time in the local church, more time becoming part of this family and also, to be honest, we are aware of the enormous dedication of your time that it requires. With our children so small, we decided we weren't willing to give 70 hours a week to this. So as we talked and prayed, we decided that it might be best to serve as associates or even a lead pastor for a few years more.

-2-

Then we received our results from the church planting assessment. And it said the exact same thing. So we had mixed feelings about that. Even though you may not want to do something, you kind of want the other guy to be like "WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You should TOTALLY do this NOW." (Just being honest!) So we felt a bit let down but I wasn't surprised. After all, we thought the exact same thing! They gave us what is called a "qualified yes" which means that if we truly wanted to move forward, they were ready to support us. But their recommendation was that we - you guessed it - wait a few years and serve as pastoral staff in the local church. The assessment itself was positive. There were a few points that I disagreed with but then there were others that even identified a blind spot or two for us. So we look at it as a gift.

-3-

So where does that leave us? Brian has already had an interview for a church's associate pastor role. We would like to stay in this area and so that limits our options obviously but I believe that God is not limited. The right place will come along at the right time. So church planting is off the table for right now and Brian is sending in a resume or two at churches around the area. Would you pray with and for us about this?

-4-

I'm obsessed with farm houses these days. I want to live on a big piece of land and create a garden. I am starting to feel all hemmed in these days. I don't know if it's the prairie kid thing but having people under me, beside me, on top of me and, when I look out my window, just a few metres away again, I start to feel surrounded. Noisy, noisy people. Nothing quite like polar opposites, eh? Urban dwelling in apartments, packed into the thoroughly modern city to the farm house.

If we had a garden, Brian would be in charge of it. I love the idea of a garden and the results of the garden but have zero desire to do the work. (There is a sermon in there, yes, I know.) Plus, I don't have a green thumb. He does.

Of course, if this did happen, it would be a miracle because I am not living any further from a bookstore than 20 minutes. And somehow I don't think I'm exactly a rural girl.

-5-

Brian's chocolate chip cookies are to die for. Seriously. He once won 2nd prize in a church baking contest with these babies. Never mind that he hasn't made them since and I'm the one that does the baking but whatever.

Here you go....you'll thank me this fall when it's finally cool enough to turn on your oven again.

Soften 1 cup of butter (yes, dear - REAL BUTTER) to room temperature. Not melted, not hard. Just soft.
Stir it together with 1 cup of brown sugar and 1/2 cup of white sugar.
Add 1 tsp of vanilla (I always dash a bit more) and two eggs.
Add 2 and 1/4 cup of flour, 1 tsp salt and 1 tsp baking powder.
Stir well. (Take note of the stirring - no mixers allowed.)
Then add 2 cups of chocolate chips.

Bake at 350 for about 10-12 minutes or until they're done.

And a tip for you: I ususally pop mine into a big freezer bag and dump them into the freezer once they're cooled down (and we've eaten far too many warm and gooey ones). They taste delicious frozen.

And another word of warning: they may not make it to the oven. Because the dough seriously should be a national security risk. I love me some raw cookie dough.

-6-

I have this site metre thing that tells me how many people are reading my blog. (Hi, Lurkers That Never Leave a Comment!) For fun the other day I clicked on something called Keywords. Basically, it's the ranking of all the ways that people find my blog.

I'm not sure how I feel about the top searches to find me:
1) spanking
2)the emerging church is DEAD
3)Super Target clearance deals
4) birthday party ideas and
5) standing up birth pictures.

So to clear matters- I don't spank my children. The emerging church is still alive and kicking, thankyouverymuch. I am not exactly your clearing house for Super Target deals. I don't plan birthday parties; my sister in law does that.

And no one took any pictures of me having the baby is stall 74. Or if they did, they did it with their cell phone camera and I have no knowledge of it. And no wish to know of it. Don't tell me if you did that, please.

-7-

I am in love with my little niece, Addison. She is growing up so fast - she cut her first two teeth just shy of her three month birthday, if you can believe it. She has one dimple in her left cheek, just like my sister. It is one of my favourite things about my sister; it gave her the dearest, lopsided grin as a child. To see it in her daughter just makes my soul sing.

Annie and Joe are quite in love with her as well. Anne calls her "Sweet Girl" and piles toys about her like a fortress. Why? Because Joe hasn't learned his own strength and just wants to beat on her when he gets too close.


Seriously. Look at that face. It's dangerous for me. Makes me want more babies.

(For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary.)

In which I welcome the readers of Sorta Crunchy

Welcome to those of you that are here from Megan's Sorta Crunchy! I'm a big fan of her blog (seriously, check out her series on "As He Leads Us" about Christian Attachment Parenting).

Megan did a series on Birth Choices and I couldn't resist sending her Joseph's birth story. You all remember? Head over and leave her a comment if you don't mind.

Or if you're new to Emerging Mummy, thanks for stopping by!

You can read more about me here.

You can subscribe by entering your email address in the box up in the right hand corner or just get my feed delivered to your blog reader.

Feel free to grab a cuppa and take a look around....

In which I am learning to relax into this relationship

I'm trying to stop striving. You know, trying harder. Always trying harder. It's down right exhausting. I don't know if it's the older sibling thing, the Canadian-Scotch-Irish thing, the prairie kid thing or the evangelical Christian thing but sometimes it's hard to let go of my need to FIX IT and MAKE IT BETTER and EVERYTHING WORKS OUT AS LONG AS YOU TRY HARDER.

Striving to be more and better, do more and be better. All this pressure on us, right? To be the over-achieving freaks, we value the Hero more than the Servant.

A few years ago, I was reading and this passage jumped off the page and down into my bones.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me
and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk
with
me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of
grace. I
won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with
me and you'll
learn to live freely and lightly. (Matthew 11:28-30)

Then last week, I heard a phrase on the God Journey podcast. They characterized the Christ-centered life as a life that you relax into, that this - this relationship, this following of Jesus - is a relationship that we relax into. We cease the striving. We stop the trying. We stop trying to be better, smarter, nicer, more holy and more loving. Instead when we surrender, we relax into the arms of Jesus, we find that freedom, of living lightly. In our weakness, He is able to become stronger.

I wonder sometimes if we are holding our lives, clenched in our fists. When we unclench our fist, our hands are free for God to use. When we unclench our hearts, our hearts are open to Jesus.

I should have known I was getting ready for an opportunity to practise this.

I have felt the need to unclench my soul a bit these days. To let go of some things I've been holding onto. Then a situation arose this week that put me to the test.

It's a financial situation which is never fun. And when it started to unfurl, I felt my back seize up, my physical body almost manifesting the stress I felt in my heart. I clenched my fists and seized control, worrying and letting it consume me. I became discouraged and heavy.

Last night, this passage of Scripture rose up again out of the ashes to wrap around my striving. What would be the difference if I trusted Him purely, truly? If I believe that this, too, is not escaping his notice or his plan? If I lived my life, like He loves me?

And I let go, finger by finger, knuckle by knuckle. Allowing God into the cracks of my worry and cares, trying to release my spine from the clench of fear and worry.

He cares for me. His burden is light. Really, truly. I can relax into this, too.

In which we are creating a plausibility structure

These tinies are adored by their Granny and Papa.





And half the time, I can't figure out who is having more fun - the tinies? or Granny and Papa?