In which we dedicated it to the glory of God and changed lives

I remember being 18 years old, sitting on the harvest gold theatre-style chairs in the ORU Chapel, listening to a small woman with blonde hair and a thick Tennessee accent talk about her work with the girls no one else believed in or loved. I remember my heart growing too big for my chest, straining against my ribs, aching with a sense of purpose, hanging on every drawled word from her mouth.

Now, thirteen years later, I was sitting next to that small blonde woman with impossibly white teeth at a restaurant, chatting and going over the weekend and telling stories. And trying to keep from shouting out "ARE YOU KIDDING ME, GOD?!"

Isn't it amazing when even the dreams that you tucked away in your heart, the ones that you thought were dormant, have a way of being fulfilled in God's perfect timing?

I am home at last, exhausted but with a full heart. My feet are swollen and I never, ever want to wear pantyhose again.

I have so many stories, so many moments, so many miracles from the past weekend that I hardly know where to start.

It all went well. Even with the torrential rain storm and mud and thousands of "Plan B" moments, it was amazingly God-soaked (and rain-soaked).

I don't remember ever working harder in my life or being happier doing it.

Now I'm just trying to process it all. Not just the aftermath of details for a Benefit Dinner, Silent Auction (I need to start contacting winners and organising pick ups, heaven help me) and the Grand Opening and Dedication in pouring rain in a muddy field processing and clean up, the ever-expanding long list of THINGS TO DO and MUST FOLLOW UP and PRIORITY.

But even emotionally and spiritually, there is much to absorb and process and wade through.

My primary emotion tonight though (well, beside exhaustion to the bones) is gratitude.

I am so thankful that God has directed my steps here.
I'm thankful I am able to be a small part of this vision coming to reality.
I'm thankful for the vast Mercy family that are faithful and passionate about women, a voice telling them that for their former shame they shall have double honour.
I am thankful for Pastors John and Helen Burns and their growing influence in my life.
I am thankful for Nancy Alcorn.
I am thankful for my co-workers and their patient hardworking husbands.
I am thankful for every single passionate volunteer that worked twice as hard for twice as long as what was expected in the pouring rain and mud - with JOY.
I am thankful that almost all of the home's rooms have been sponsored.
I'm thankful we raised so much support and awareness this weekend.
I'm thankful that it was a success.
I'm thankful for my parents who showed up at every single event and then, tonight, made my family a turkey dinner and just dropped it off at the house so that we would have a home cooked meal.
I'm thankful for my husband's selfless support and tireless love.
I'm thankful for the village that has helped care for my tinies during the intensity of the weekend.

The first Canadian Mercy Ministries home has been dedicated to the glory of God and to changed lives. Staff training starts tomorrow. We'll have an Extreme Makeover: Mercy Edition to wash sheets and scrub windows and hang wallpaper.

Then the 20 girls arrive this summer. And...
we will bring good news to the poor,
comfort the broken-hearted and
proclaim to the captives and prisoners that they are free.
We'll tell those that mourn that the time of the Lord's favour in their life has come.
We will walk with them to the One who
gives a crown of beauty for the ashes of their sorrow,
gives them joy for their tears,
praise for their despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for His own glory.

Selah.

In which I forgot to iron my dress

The big weekend is finally here.

7 years of dreaming and planning and praying....and Mercy is here.

I feel a bit weepy at all the dreams coming true.

Friday is the Benefit Dinner and Silent Auction (and my wrestling date with The Spanx - God bless control garments worthy of Bridget Jones). Then on Saturday, we have the big party celebration and dedication of the Mercy Home. Saturday night, we're at Coastal Church, Sunday morning we're all over with Relate Church, Monday is the start of staff training and after that, girls will start to move in all summer long.

Meanwhile, it's nearly midnight and I forgot to iron my dress for tomorrow night.

Someone better get on that.

Me? I'm going to bed for the last bit of sleep I'll get for the next few days.

In which this is Tuesday, Unwrapped

Rather tired and busy
(but happy)
and the tea I usually drink
has turned into
triple shot ventis.

and there is a lot of time
gone

I'm blinking and vainly
petitioning the Universe for just
10 more hours in a day
and for the tinies
to slow down
all the growing
and learning
and fun
they are doing right now.

Tonight I came home early
and we weeded our garden
(we have lettuce up! and carrots! and weeds!)
Anne picked me a flower
at the community garden
and
while I buckled the little man
(dirty as only little boys that
love dirt can be which is
REALLY DIRTY)
into his car seat
she stuffed the too-well-loved-marigold
into my Starbucks cup
and said
"There you go"
matter-of-factly.

In which these are 10 ways to help Mercy

After yesterday's post about Mercy and what's going on right now, I thought I'd make a quick list of ways that everyone and anyone could help us out right now. Thank you again for your heart of Mercy.

1. The most important thing - please take a bit of time right now to pray for all of the young women that have already been accepted to the program and are waiting for the home to open.

They are desperate and my heart is very heavy for them. Every construction delay sends me to prayers and tears because I know what it means that they are still waiting.

Also, you could pray for the young women that are on the waiting list, those that are currently in the intake process filling out their applications and all of the women across Canada that are sexually and physically abused, addicted to drugs and alcohol, struggling with deep depression and suicidal thoughts, binging, purging, starving, trapped and violated, carving their own bodies up in self-harm or pregnant and alone?

She is all around us.

2. I could use a few more volunteers for setting up and tearing down at the Grand Opening. We have a volunteer meeting at the home on Monday night (tonight - May 22) at 6PM, if you have some time to help out on Saturday, just come by.

3. The online auction, of course! Bid and shamelessly harass all of your friends to bid (much like I am doing now.)

4. Get tickets to the Benefit Dinner. We have about 20 left and I would love to see it sold out. It'll be a fantastic night together - plus you get to wear a fancy-schmancy dress (or in my case, the dress that fits).

5. Come to the Grand Opening and Dedication. You'll be inspired and your life will be changed - I promise.

6. Nancy Alcorn is speaking on Saturday night at Coastal Church in downtown Vancouver. If you're in the downtown core, stop by 1160 West Georgia (the brick church right next to the Shangri-La) around 7PM to meet some incredible people in your community and hear about the miracles of changed lives.

7. Then on Sunday, Nancy Alcorn is also speaking at all three services for Relate Church (Surrey and Abbotsford). Come out to support her and the ministry as well as meet the quiet revolutionaries of love at Relate.

8. We will be having an "Extreme Makeover: Mercy House Edition" in about two weeks. We are looking for people to help us out - whatever time you have because, well, we'll be there around the clock. Ha! We need help cleaning the construction site, washing windows, hanging wallpaper, assembling furniture and so on. Just let me know if you'd like to help out with that and I'll keep you in the loop about when it's starting up.

9. You could become a monthly partner with the ministry which is what we call a "Treasure Builder" (it's a reference from a verse in the Bible that calls the women called out of darkness a treasure). Any thing you want to give a month - even $25 - makes the difference between life and death for these young women. Or give a one-time donation.

10. Join us for our yearly Mercy Walk. We just opened registration up online. It's a non-competitive 5K Walk in Stanley Park to raise support and awareness for Mercy Ministries on Saturday 25 September. Get a team of friends from your church or community together and walk on behalf of Mercy. You don't even have to be in Vancouver to join - if you live in Calgary or Edmonton or Toronto or anywhere, just start your own Mercy Walk and we'll walk all across Canada for all of the women of Canada.


Thanks again for all of your love and support, especially this week. You are a blessing - yes, you.

In which this is a big week for Mercy and I could use your help

I have watched this video dozens, literally dozens, of times and yet I still cry every time. It's a short 6 minute video that sums up what Mercy is and why we do what we do. (RSS subscribers, if you can't see the video, click through to my site to watch it.)



The countdown is on! I'm alternately weeping with joy and exhaustion at this stage of the game - and we're not done yet.



When we planned the events around the opening of the Mercy Home, we thought we'd given ourselves a month extra in case of further construction delays. Well, let's just say, we experienced some significant delays. *sigh* Nothing support or financial related (as most of you know, we operate debt-free); just the usual go-around with contractors and approvals and so on. It looks like the home won't quite be finished for another four weeks. But since we had already planned the Grand Opening as well as a few other things, we're still going forward.

I could really use your prayers this week - these are big events and we're looking to raise our entire first year's operating costs. I'm sad about the home delays. Plus, I miss my tinies horribly and there's been a bit of sickness going around. The last thing I can handle right now is the flu - as you'll soon see, we've got a busy week ahead.

For those of you that have emailed me (and thank you!) asking what's going on and how you can help, here's the low-down.... (and please share all of this with your friends - this is a big week for us and we could use all the support and prayers we can get!)

Online Silent Auction

You can participate in our online silent auction! Items currently up for auction include two nights at the Empress Hotel in Victoria complete with Afternoon Tea, Canucks tickets, Vancouver Art Gallery family passes, Michael Buble concert tickets, artwork, coffee and restaurant gift certificates and much more! New items are being added right up until the last minute so check back often.

Here are a few ways you can help make sure that the auction is a success:

1. Register at the site and start bidding! Items are currently listed at low starting bids so now is the time to get started.

2. Email the link to your friends and family members to tell them why Mercy matters to you and ask them to participate as well. The auction is open to the public's participation.

3. Ask your church to include the auction link in their bulletin or website.

4. Post about the auction on your social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter.

First Annual Benefit Dinner and Online Silent Auction

We still have about 20 tickets available for this intimate evening with Nancy Alcorn, Founder and President of Mercy Ministries, and the Mercy Ministries of Canada family to celebrate and support the opening of our first Mercy Ministries of Canada home the night before our Grand Opening. We'll be hearing from Canadian graduates of the program, participating in the online auction and our emcee will be Bob Saye from JRFM's Afternoon Drive.

The Vancouver Club, 915 West Hastings in Vancouver, B.C. 6:00 PM. Tickets are $75. Semi-formal dress requested. You can purchase tickets online here.

Grand Dedication Celebration

The official dedication and ribbon cutting is this Saturday 29 May 2010 from 1:00 pm until 4:00 pm. This is a gigantic party for all of our supporters - incredible food, fantastic music from singer-songwriter Danielle Heykants as well as the Relate Church band and, of course, our keynote speaker, Nancy Alcorn who is the Founder and President of Mercy Ministries. We'll also be giving tours of the home and showing off the design plans.

Like I said, the home isn't quite finished yet but we're still going to party. It's been 7 years now since the dream of Mercy was first birthed in Canada - now our first residents will be moving in this summer. (The home is at 19465 16th Ave. Surrey, B.C. If you do decide to come, try to carpool - parking is pretty limited.)




I know it's all kinds of irritating for some of you to be asked for time or prayers or money.

But the truth is I'm absolutely shameless about it.

And if you had listened to the harrowing stories from these young women and THEN witnessed the transformation to their life, the hope and joy recaptured? I simply can't apologise for my passion to advocate on her behalf.

For those of you unfamiliar with Mercy Ministries of Canada or why I'm shilling for them today, I work there, usually two days a week, as the Director of Marketing and Communications. Mercy Ministries of Canada is a free-of-charge, non-profit residential home for young women that face life-controlling issues such as drug and alcohol addiction, depression, eating disorders, unplanned pregnancy, physical and sexual abuse and self-harm.

Here are 10 ways to help Mercy.
I appreciate your comments
and prayers
and participation
more than I could
ever articulate to
you.
Yes, you.

In which these are catching my eye and my heart this weekend

These caught my eye - Hope you enjoy them this weekend.

Parenting

Cloud Shapes by Stephanie at Adventures in Babywearing is about grappling with the phrase "you were made for this" when sometimes "this" isn't so glamorous or rewarding.

Kathy Escobar made a collage out of the contents on the floor of her minivan just to make you feel better about yourself. This is for my friend, Susan, who just completed her yearly van clean out.

Stephanie at Metropolitan Mama did an excellent run down on being part of Generation Y and what that looks like in real life. I'm on the cusp between X and Y but boy, did this ever describe me and most of my friends!

Faith and Church

If a church decided to go a period of time without a sermon, a sunday school teaching or a seminar or “traditional” Bible teaching of any kind (sitting down to study the book in a classroom style) how would you teach people about God and how would you teach them right theology? Don Miller has written an article "Could Your Church Survive if there were No Sermons?"

The topic of the Holy Spirit has been rising up often in conversations lately. One theologian I pal around online with, Ed Cyzewski, has been doing an excellent series on the Holy Spirit on his blog.

And then one of my favourite writers wrote about the forgotten God as only she can: Enflamed by the Forgotten God at Holy Experience.

Simple Living

I had a new article up at the Fraser Valley Pulse this week about four great places to camp in the Fraser Valley. I can't figure out if I'm excited more by the camping or the thought of being able to camp without a long car ride with the tinies.

Heather at Shivaya Naturals walks through her process for writing a personal manifesto.

Community Gardens: What they are, how to find them and why you might consider joining one from Simple Organic. As you know, we belong to a community garden so I thought this might be interesting for those of you that have asked for more details about that venture.

Good Stories

A new venture just launched by a group of women that I both love and admire is She Loves Magazine. It's an online magazine filled with stories of women that are changing the world - inspiring and full of hope! They did a feature story on one of our Mercy graduates, Mercy Saved Me.

In which sometimes I want

Sometimes I want....

to sell everything we own and move to Africa
to go back to the dumps and slums that my husband loved in Mexico
to join the Peace Corps
to adopt babies
to become a foster home
to make all of our own clothes
to become an international aid worker
to write the big and scary and uncomfortable stories of the marginalized
to be a journalist
to move to Europe
to become bohemian travellers
to be louder and braver
to care less about creature comforts
to live in the downtown eastside
to be a war protester and pacifist without apology
to work in a homeless shelter
to come alongside the broken and abused
to start a church for those of us outside the box
to live bigger and more passionately than I am
to learn more and more and more
to talk with you and hear your story and love you

And then other times I want

to lose 50 pounds and be all cute and skinny with small boobs
to not feel guilty for eating a hot dog and chocolate bar
to go back to how it was when it was easy
to have Brian not be a pastor in his heart of hearts and not care about people and make a lot of money
to have a second car
to forget everything I know now about the broken and abused and marginalized
to go back to life in the bubble
to be independently wealthy so that I can spend it all on my family
to have a big house with a big yard out in the woods far away from all you crazy people
to eat out for every single meal
to crawl back into the Christian ghetto
to only talk to people that think the exact same way that I do
to be a black and white person because that looks pretty simple and easy
to forget the sacredness of questioning everything
to create a groove on the white sandy beach just the size of my bum
to hold a frosty rum beverage on that beach and get a tan
to sleep in without feeling guilty
to keep my house clean
to be selfish without knowing I'm being selfish because it's just being normal

So if I'm listening to you, what do you sometimes want?

In which I like the Vancouver mom bloggers

As most of you know, this little corner of the Internet was recently up for the Ultimate Vancouver Mom Blogger award. Well, I didn't win but I think I had a pretty good showing for a tiny little blog run by a happy-clappy Jesus lover. Thank you so much to those of you that voted - I appreciate it more than you know.

Image courtesty of Labour Union Photographers

I did get to attend a beautiful party, hosted by the generous and generally fabulous ladies at Vancouver Mom, Raspberry Kids and of course, Labour Union Photographers (who took 30 headshots in under two hours while maintaining a generous smile and many "That's it! You're beautiful!" comments - without the slightest hint of irony as I came in, sweaty, red-faced and self-conscious.)

It was a big step for me. I've been writing this blog for about 5 years now (even though my archives aren't all present - sorry about that!) but haven't ever attended a single blogger event. (In related news about my ineptitude regarding blogging: I don't have ads on my site because I don't have a clue how to set all of that up. I get emails from PR people and I end up letting them sit in my inbox because I don't know how to respond to them - ask for money?)

Now where was I?

Oh, yes. I don't know what I'm doing. Riiiiight.

So I put on some lipstick and went to False Creek, to a warehouse right in my old stomping grounds when I worked in the city, to meet some of the other bloggers that I've developed a bit of a crush on.

This is the winner, Lesley from Smidgebox. She's as beautiful and genuine as she looks. And her site is gorgeous.

Image courtesy of Labour Union Photographers

Lindsay, the unbelievably talented Urban Momtographer, was kind enough to let me sit and yak her ear off for a while.

Image courtesy of Labour Union Photographers

I met two other ladies whose blogs I love: Marilyn from A Lot to Love (She loves Anne Shirley too!) and

Image courtesty of The Urban Momtographer.

and the beautiful (seriously - look at her eyes!) cooler-than-I'll-ever-be Andrea from Apartment Baby.

(Image courtest of The Urban Momtographer)

Some people are just a delight to spend time with even though we're all total strangers.

I got tackled by Stephanie, The Tsunami Mommy, which simply made me feel wonderful. I quiet like her - funny, honest, authentic, joyful - you get the idea.


Image courtesy of The Urban Momtographer

I crashed a conversation with Gillian from I'm Finding My Weigh and Margarita from The Fab Brunette because I just wanted to hug on Michelle from Seeking Balance. Then we yakked. It was good. There were many others there that I got to spend time with as well. There were also a few that I wanted to meet but didn't seem to find at the event.

You know, you feel like you know each other a bit through your blogs even though it's the first time you set eyes on each other. There are a few others of you out there that I can't wait to meet....someday (yes, I'm looking at you Megan, Ashleigh, Stephanie, Sara and a few others...)


With the nature of the Internet, you can spend most of your time with people all over the world but never actually meet or spend time with another blogger, right in your neighbourhood. I appreciated the list of local bloggers and then the opportunity to meet them.

Sometimes blogging feels weird. I mean, I'm not that interesting but for some reason I have a bizarre compulsion to write about my life. And in a twist that is even more bizarre, you fine people show up here to read it and give me the gift of "You, too? Me, too!" So it was nice to be around a group of other women and mothers that get it, women that don't think I'm weird or narcissistic because I have a blog.

Also, they gave us nice goodie bags. (Seriously - you people have to check out Ecocessories. I am wearing their Everyday Earrings right this minute and I.Am.In.Love.)

A special thanks to all of the event sponsors and goodie-bag givers:

• Raspberry Kids

• The Labour Union Photographers
• Ilus Elu
• Fresh Fix Catering
• Sugar Mama Creations
• MomCafe
• Enterprising Mom Network
• Spud!
• Movies for Mommies
• Lullaby League
• Ecocessories
• The Gourmet Pregnancy by Leah Douglas
• The Wickaninnish Inn
• Emily Press

In which this is Tuesday, Unwrapped

A simple thing, really.
A spring-thinks-it's-summer day
sunshine and cut grass smells
two tinies, sweaty with play,
coated in sun screen,
too tired to walk anymore
so he easily picks them up
one for each arm,
and carries them down the hill
past the blueberry farm
and the pond with the weeping willow
right into
our house
becoming a home.

Also?
The Flyers spanked the Habs
that night
and there was much rejoicing.

In which I am experiencing a thousand gifts (328 - 343)

Numbering the small moments of gratitude, as part of a community of thanks.

328. Throwing rocks in the lake.

329. Little hats.

330. When little boys get too busy to remember to throw their hats on the ground.

331. Orange socks.

332. Mallards.

333. Joseph quacking.

334. A small retention pond just behind our neighbourhood.

335. Tall grasses in the wind.

336. Daffodils and irises nearly 3 feet tall.

337. Dimples in elbows.

338. Lazy time without any agenda on an afternoon.

339. Weeping willows falling over water.

340. Sunlight filtered through leaves.

341. Warm spring air and warm spring memories being made.

342. Prickly grass under my feet.

343. Bare feet already.

In which this was the important work of the week

I have been so busy lately.

I hate even hearing those words come out of my mouth because I always roll my eyes when people plaintively whine "I'm so busy!" But truly, I have no other word for it. It's a good-busy; I'm doing work that I really love and am passionate about but the fact remains that I haven't been home as much as I'd like these past two weeks (and two more to come).

So on Friday, between conference speakers, I dashed home from Surrey to spend two hours with my tinies and Brian. It was a beautiful, bright day with a lazy breeze and sunshine.

We walked over to the pond behind our neighbourhood to feed the ducks. We found a little hill behind a maintenance shed. I marched Anne to the top and laid out.

This is how you roll down a hill, I said.

And then I rolled down that hill so fast, pell-mell, tumble bumble, top over tea kettle.

(I'd like to say that it felt good but the truth is it made me dizzy and I felt very awkward.)

Anne screamed with laughter (really? it was that awkward to watch too?) and flung herself down. I ran back up the hill (!) and positioned her properly, tucked her arms in and then shoved her right down that hill.

She rolled and rolled, laughing so hard her body changed directions and went the wrong way across the hill.

Joseph tried once but he was more content to drink the entire bottle of water we had brought along. He also wanted to go back to the ducks (he is quite proficient at his QUACK QUACK QUACK).

Sure, I had to head back to the house and change because of grass stains. Sure, I still had to kiss them good bye and drive back to Surrey for another meeting.

But we had that moment, on that hill. And now they know how to roll down a hill.

And they also know that Mum will go to any lengths of being ridiculous because really, I have no dignity left when it comes to having fun and wringing as much life as possible out of every moment.

In which she loves

I have spent the last few days, relatively unplugged. I have been at the LifeWomen "She Loves" conference here in Vancouver. I don't usually attend conferences (I don't care for the format of listening all day nor do I like to be away from my family on our precious weekends) but because the dream of Mercy Ministries in Canada started 7 years ago almost to this week, at this very conference in the hearts of these women, I signed up and have attended the entire weekend.

And I'm so glad that I did.


I forget sometimes that women are changing the world.

They are beautiful. They are passionate. They are significant. They are full of love.

They are changing the world.

This weekend, they are laughing with their sisters and telling their stories - even the ugly bits, the parts where they don't have it figured out. They are nurturers, creating a haven where the young, the broken, the tender-hearted and at-risk can flourish.

They are dancing and worshipping, hands high, faces tipped towards heaven, tears streaming.

They are celebrating all shapes and sizes, talking frankly about sex and body image.

They are saving babies tossed in rubbish heaps, child soldiers and AIDS mamas in Africa.

They are fighting sex trafficking all the way around the globe.

They are rescuing women caught in the prisons of physical and sexual abuse, addictions, eating disorders and suicidal depression, building a place for them to find hope and healing.

They are looking around at each other, saying "You too? Me too!" about things like wanting to live a story of Love. There isn't much talk about shoes and purses, complaining about husbands and chores. They are lit up with something bigger than what the world offers, refusing to be intimidated into silence or despair.

I look around this room of women, these Canadian mamas and wives and daughters and sisters and grannies and girls and it feels like a sisterhood, like a banquet table of love has been laid out and we are all full.

The beautiful thing about these women is that they don't hoard Love. They hold their lives loosely in their hands and pass it around, like Communion. Their whole life, a Eucharist of service and love and sacrifice through mundane tasks and mountain top moments alike.

It's a risk and they are often hurt. They screw up and get frustrated and angry. But the gift of being vulnerable is something they are trying to give to their daughters, to the young women around them, trying to create a world where every woman can be who she is, without apology.

They don't look very special. They look just like you and me. You might walk right past them and never know that you were in the presence of a world changer, of a woman with purpose and passion, choosing Love every moment, fighting back darkness of despair with warmth.

I can be rather hard on the Church and on Christians, battling cynicism. I don't like conferences. And this isn't about the conference per se. It's just this weekend, God spoke to my heart. I lean further into Jesus and I look at them - at myself? - with His eyes and see this: they are loved.

And therefore, she loves.

And this Love, Love, Love, Love.....Stronger than death, stronger than evil, down to the depths and a new day dawning, pushing back the darkness kind of love is rising up.

We are all doing what we can, none of us alone in this great, overwhelming Love that wants to see all Loved.

These normal women, the ones we can dismissively refer to as "Church Ladies" are doing more to change the world than almost anyone else I've ever known in real life because they are loving in every corner of their life.

In which we might be gettin' dumber for the Google and I love Anne Shirley

I just finished the exhaustive biography of L.M. Montgomery, "Gift of Wings." It's a fascinating and sad read, particularly if you have ever read and loved Anne of Green Gables.

(Side note: I always feel very protective of Anne Shirley and Emily Starr, too. Like they are my own heroines, just for me, and no one else should ever talk about them, ever. It's too sacred.)

In the early pages of the book, the author is writing about Maud's culture and community.

"Speakers and performers came to give programs in the local community hall. In between such events, the articulate and intelligent farmers of Cavendish organized formal debates over issues of the day such as "Should there by Free Trade between Canada and the United States?" "Slavery," and "Imperial Federation." ...

Maud's Cavendish was a stimulating cultural and intellectual environment.

The minds of these sturdy, industrious Scottish immigrants could roil like the sea. ....Theirs was a culture that lived by words: first God's, then man's. "

I don't know about you but I can't think of many people - with high levels of education even - that spend an evening with their friends debating the merits of baroque music or literature or philosophy or even *gasp* civilly discussing politics.

I think this might be for 3 main reasons:

1. I don't think that many of us actually know that much about much anymore. For instance, we go to school for 13 years, many of us for more, and yet, once the test has concluded, that information leaks out of our ears. We simply can't remember much about humanities, art, science and philosophy after we take the test.

2. Even the stuff that we do "know" is rather lazy. For instance, my husband once asked me a question. I responded by dashing to Google it. Sure enough, it was the same answer I had in my head but I wasn't confident enough to just answer. I had to Google it. We are an entire generation dependent on calculators, navigation systems and Internet search engines. Why bother remembering it if you can Google it for 3,000,000 hits worth of pages in less than 2.34 seconds? (And yes, I do this all the stinkin' time.)


3. And finally, even if we could discuss these things, even if we weren't intellectually lazy for the most part, even if we were interested in discussing something besides "Dancing with the Stars", I don't think we could.

Because we are completely unable to disagree politely anymore.

The rhetoric of pundits and loud ignorance has somehow invaded our consciousness to the point that we seethe and boil with rage at the slightest hint that someone thinks differently than we do. We immediately take offense at the slightest provocation and then we label each other in order to happily dismiss The Other. I don't need to listen to you because you're a right wing religious nut job. I don't need to listen to you either, because you are clearly a socialist liberal treasonous hater. But let's all agree that this other guy is clearly a Nazi.

It makes free flowing ideas rather impossible.

I thought about that picture presented of Maud's community of Cavendish.

I imagined a small group of people, a community of neighbours, discussing interesting topics of their day and it struck me that they HAD to be polite to each other. They lived together, for heaven's sake. There was no escape. I certainly am not one to wax nostalgic for another time and hold no illusions about society being better "back in the good old days."

But there is something to be said for the idea of community and having to work through these discussions or ideas with some modicum of civility instead of dive-bombing rhetoric on each other.

Is the lack of civil dialogue more demonstrative of our complete vacuum of ideas and knowledge and wisdom?

Or is the Googleification of our culture giving birth to the easily spewed rhetoric that has stifled intelligent and reasoned discourse?

Round and round we go. Chicken? Egg?

But wouldn't it be fun if as a community (and from my perspective, particularly as the community of Jesus or as a Church), we discussed more than pop culture or the price of gas? If we didn't get our panties in a bunch because someone disagreed with us? If we actually read good books to our tinies instead of just scripts from their favourite Nickolodean shows printed on a board book?


So who wants to come over to my house to watch Glee next Tuesday?

In which we celebrate 9 years of being the Bodacious Besseys

9 years ago today
I had fake nails
and a very fake tan.

Also 9 years ago today,
we had a small wedding
in the middle of a forest on the outskirts of Tulsa
(a city we just happened to live in at the time).
I carried the little white Bible covered in red roses that
my mother had carried at her wedding
instead of a bouquet.


Honestly?
I loved that boy-not-quite-grown-up
with everything in
my girl-not-quite-grown-up heart.
We have done a lot of growing up
and changing
and some staying the same
since then
together.

I couldn't have imagined loving him more
than I did in those moments,
running up that aisle,
promising love and faith,
smashing cake in each others faces,
tossing garters,
toasting with sparkling apple juice instead of wine.

I know it's not normal (or even right) to
believe in soulmates
let alone find yours
when you're so young.

But we do and so we did.

This story we are living?
The changing, the movement,
the joy and laughter,
the sorrow and sharing of it,
the journey - deserts and lush green valleys,
mountaintops and deep oceans
has been sweet
and wild.

MTB, Brian.
Wanna get married?

In which mega churches aren't sustainable - for the pastor

I'm not that interested in making sure another pastor doesn't fall into sin or that a 5,000 seat auditorium gets built or spending a million bucks on a better worship service. I'm not interested in multi-site churches with holographic pastors (and I wonder if that's even biblical?). I am not impressed with those that inflate their numbers by burger eating contests or hold lavish giveaways in an attempt to preach to more people.

I'm a refugee from the mega church movement, happy to be away from the circus and the show, the pressure and expectations these past 5 years.

I grew up in small churches in western Canada; after all, Christianity has been on the decline here for decades. There isn't anything more holy or lovely about small churches (sometimes they can be a gigantic pain) over big ones, trust me. But when I moved to the States, I discovered that the faith traditions I grew up in - the ones that were marginalized and smallish in Canada - were actually massive mega churches. Turns out Christianity was the big thing down there. Who knew?

So then I spent nearly 8 years in mega churches in the States. Eventually, my husband was on staff at one of America's 50 fastest growing churches. We always went to churches that were informal with fantastic emotive music and light shows, kick-ass children's ministry that was more like a theme park and interesting, charismatic preachers that lead the church through the force of his personality. We read business books and modeled ourselves after Disney. And there was always a building program underway.

I've written before about my feelings about program driven churches so I won't do that today.


"Sunday's Coming" Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.

I started to look back recently at the senior leadership of the churches I attend/ed.

• When I was a teenager, our pastor was relieved of duties very mysteriously and disappeared. Years later, I discovered that he had been diagnosed with AIDS as a result of promiscuity. He died in Europe a few years ago, in the arms of his husband.
• Then an associate pastor was outed to be visiting gay bars and was spotted - by several witnesses at different times - making out with other men on the street. He denied it and was fired anyway.
• When I was in university, it was announced suddenly that our pastor had been having an affair with a young intern at the church for the past 10 months. A prominent evangelical leader was there as he was on our elder board and gently explained to all of us that our pastor was convinced he loved this woman and had actually been discovered at the airport, about to run away with her and a significant portion of the church's bank accounts.
• A few years later, a new church, and our senior pastor's indiscretions came to light. That prominent leader was our elder at this church as well. He announced to the church that our pastor had resigned after having an affair while wild accusations swirled and then a power struggle ensued.
  
• Then, that prominent evangelical leader himself was revealed to be homosexual. The saga with the male prostitute came out on national television involving porn and drugs. Not much of that was true but the truth remained that pornography and homosexuality was a part of his life.
• And recently another pastor that we deeply love and respect has lost nearly everything when he admitted to an affair.

These are just the ones that were forced to resign for their decisions. There were many others that were battling their own demons of white-hot anger, control, bitterness, power-struggles, fame seeking, gluttony, family neglect and others. Those might not be the "big sins" but they were just as insidious in their effect.

I'm not that old (31, if you're interested). And yet, I look back over it and almost every single pastor or church I've been at has a pastor that struggles and falls in a spectacular blaze of sin and accusations and hurt, leaving a wake of broken families, devastated churches and personal despair.


So. Now about today....

I could write for years about the growth and change I've personally experienced through this, how God has brought me from being a black-and-white, judgmental person to being one of compassion and grace with deep wells of tenderness for humanity.


I could write about mega churches and how so often institutions substitute for Jesus and everything wrong with the McChurch version of Jesus.


I could write - and try to - about the good stories I hear from those truly living out their faith.


I could also write about restoration and the importance of loving and embracing those the fallen and their families, enveloping them as family instead of ostracizing them or casting them out.


I could write about how to respond well as a church member when it does happen. (I can do that because I have very rarely responded well and have regrets of my own behaviour during those seasons.)


I could write about the importance of praying for our pastors and their families because they are under a tremendous amount of pressure. (And yes, they are.)


I could write about the need for accountability and strong boundaries.


I could write about hypocrisy.


I could tell you about Sally Morgathaler's excellent article wondering if people in ministry have more addictive personalities. (You'll want to read that.)

But after this latest one? The one that has left me sorrowful and weeping, full of love and sadness, I won't.

I can't.

Many of us like to point the finger at the person/s involved and say "Bad apple." I am not decrying individual responsibility.

But don't we, as a community of believers, as a community called and sent by God to act as a signpost of his Love bear some responsibility as well?

As a community, are we ready to admit that this model of church, this way of doing church isn't healthy?

No one can maintain that type of pressure and pace without something breaking. And the mega church model tends to put an immense amount of pressure on the pastoral staff.

It's unsustainable - both from a personal standpoint and from a resources standpoint.

I think that's part of the reason why I have so enjoyed following Andrew Jones as he blogs about original, missional Christiainity from all over Europe (he and his family live simply and travel from community to community in a rather atrocious vehicle).

"People sometimes ask me why I gave up on that model and shifted over to organic/house church and what used to be called "emerging church". The reason had to do with a God-directed shift away from unsustainable resource-hungry models of church towards reproducing movements of God's people being the church and celebrating together without having to put on an expensive show. So we dumped the stage and focused our time on living out the gospel rather than performing it on a stage, and making disciples rather than attracting spectators. Although I do miss that weekly buzz from pulling off a great "service." (via this post)

I may be a bit over the whole Emerging Church dialogue.

But the fact remains that the Church is emerging. It has to and so it is. We're in the midst of a major shift and I couldn't be happier about it.

I loved these pastors. Some I knew better than others. And it's' because I love them and the people in these churches that I am becoming more and more convinced that this big circus of church isn't healthy. Never mind "is it biblical?" or "is it in line with the teachings of Jesus?"

It's just plain too hard on people. I mourn for the man or woman of God that is now a ring leader.

It's my experience that this model, this way of structuring ourselves - the cult of the personality with a preacher-tainer and a community of pew-fodder clapping on beat, dazzled by lights - is crippling the pastor, his family, the church and our own discipleship as the people of God.

In which Papa is SO BUSTED

Since Brian is out of town (and on that note: Hope you enjoyed sleeping in on Mother's Day, BRIAN), he left the tinies with two cards for me to open on Sunday and a nice bouquet of daisies. I opened the card from him and then the one from the tinies.
(Note: Papa is actually my dad - her Grandpa.)


Anne: Mum, do you like my card?

Me: Yes, sweetie! It's lovely! Thank you so much!

Anne: Did you see what I wrote in it?

Me: (knowing Anne can't write any letter for an "A" and noting the copious pen scribbles) I did. Can you read it to me?

Anne: Sure. It says - Dear Mum: These words are to tell you that I love going to McDonald's with my Papa. Because he buys me nuggets. Even though you don't like McDonalds. So Happy Mother's Day! Love Annie

In which we read our "letter from God"

It's Mother's Day today. The evening culminated in a riotous game of tag upstairs between the naked tinies and hysterical laughter, singing "Happy Mother's Day to Mummy!" at the top of their lungs to the tune of Happy Birthday. It only took about 20 minutes for them to collapse of dizzy exhaustion alongside my nerves.

After the face washing and teeth brushing and jammie cladding were finished, they ran to the bookshelves to pick out one book each, just like every night (well, except for last night. It was a special treat since Dad is out of town in, what they pronounce, o-MA-ha, and so we read three books each.).

Joseph chose The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein and if you don't love that book, I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore. We read through it together, one on each side of me, Anne clutching her Blankie, still sucking her thumb, Joseph with his soother, clutching my hair.

Anne, as always, picked a Bible story.

I can't figure out if it's funny or Murphy's Law that after I wrote about being reluctant to read most Bible stories to my tinies (because they're not exactly children's stories), she has fallen head over heels in love with Joseph's little Message Bible for kids.

She pores over the pages and we read it almost every day.

She calls it her letter from God. (I'm not sure where she picked that up.)

Anne, reading The Message on Easter morning past.

So tonight, we read the story of Jesus' trial and crucifixion. I was trying to move her towards the Psalms or even David and Goliath. But she said she wanted the "story of church" and to her, that meant Jesus' death and resurrection.

We read through his prayers in the Garden and then betrayal. We read through the trial and walk to Golgotha. There, he was crucified and died. When it came time to read about his burial, I mention that Joseph was a man of "good character and good faith" and she lights up, telling Joseph he's in the story.

When I read about Mary Magdalene waiting for him, weeping at the tomb and begging (who she thinks is) the gardener for his body, Anne tells me that's it's her in the story.

I said, no, it's Mary Magdalene.

She tells me, No, it's me. Because she loves Jesus and so do I, Mum.

We finish with Jesus' ascent to heaven. She is always visibly moved by the story. To her, he's real like people. And he's her friend.

We say our prayers. I tuck Joseph in after they complete their ritual of clinging to each other like monkeys, kissing each other so hard it looks like it must hurt and waving good bye like one of them is going off to war. Then I tuck her in and she asks me, What would God say? And I don't know what she means.

Say about what, Anne?

About how much I love Him, she whispers.

And I say that He would say He loves her too.

And she says, I know that. Good night, Mummy.